Speaking as a friend
by Jenko83
Summary: Set after S19 E26 'It's only love if it hurts' Serena agrees to meet Henrik outside of the hospital for dinner. He meets her as a friend, not the CEO of the hospital- but he does have a proposal. Is a secondment the right option for Serena? It pains Bernie to admit it but time away might just be the right thing for Serena.
1. Chapter 1

Bernie pulled the car up outside the restaurant.

"Serena, are you OK?"

Serena sat nervously in the passenger seat. After her antics the other day she was still surprised that Henrik was still so willing to help her. "Yes, just; you know."

"I know," Bernie said sympathetically, "Hanssen thinks very highly of you. He wants to help, don't be afraid to accept his help darling."

Serena smiled and squeezed Bernie's hand. After their rooftop heart to heart their relationship had shifted; strengthened somewhat. Serena knew that Bernie would be there for her no matter what, in whatever capacity. All she wanted was to be part of Serena's future. Serena wanted this too but at this moment she needed to put herself first; heal some wounds. She did not want to focus too heavily on her relationship with Bernie as this would put Bernie under pressure and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Just call me when you want me to pick you up, OK?"

"OK." Serena pressed a kiss to Bernie's lips, "Thank you darling."

With that she left the car and entered the restaurant where she spotted Hanssen at a table.

Henrik spotted Serena across the room, even when she was in turmoil she always managed to look elegant and carry herself well. He stood and pulled a chair out for Serena to sit, he nodded, "Serena, thank you for coming today."

"No thank you Henrik." He put his hand to his chest and bowed slightly as he sat.

He held up his hand to attract the waiter's attention. "Drink?" He asked.

"Shiraz please." Serena answered.

Hanssen ordered a bottle.

"So is this hospital business or…" Serena started.

Hanssen sighed, "It is whatever you want it to be. I invited you here as a concerned friend. I would like to think that you can see outside of my CEO position and treat me as a friend and confidant. What I said in my office stands." He paused as the waiter returned with the wine and poured. "As I said previously, there's almost nothing I wouldn't do to help you Serena."

There was a moment silence as Serena took this in. She knew he was genuine, she had known Henrik long enough to know he did not make empty offers. "Thank you Henrik. I appreciate your support."

He nodded. "Would you like to eat, the food here is a little better than Pulses. Another reason for suggesting we meet outside of the hospital." He passed over a menu talking Serena's smile as a yes to his offer.

As they browsed the menu Henrik spoke, not looking up from his menu, "Anything we discuss today, as friends, would be between us."

The waiter returned and they ordered their food. As he left Henrik sat sipping his wine knowing that Serena was trying to find words to speak.

"Henrik, I really do not deserve your loyalty."

"Ah, but you do Serena. You may not see this now. But in time you will."

"I overstepped the mark, we both know that. Had Jac not intervened I would have hit Jasmine. I would have. I can't deny that."

Hanssen looked unsurprised at this revelation, "Admittedly it does not look good but I think we have to remember that you are not yourself at the moment. Anyone can see this."

"I'm not sure Jac Naylor would see it like that. I nearly hit her sister." Serena spoke in a low voice, she did not want anyone else to hear what a monster she had been.

"Granted, Ms Naylor may not currently be in your fan club but I think even she will appreciate your situation."

Serena gave Hanssen a sceptical look, she and Jac had locked horns professionally in the past. She respected Jac as a surgeon but did not really know much about her given the armour she wore to protect herself personally. Jasmine's arrival at the hospital had rocked Jac to her core. She was less than impressed that it was revealed that she and Jas were related. Empathy was not an emotion she would associate with Jac.

"I think you will find that what Jac lacks in emotion, Dr Burrows more than makes up for. She really has been your saving grace here Serena."

Serena nodded in acknowledgement, she knows that she would have been for the high jump had Jasmine not retracted the complaint.

"You may be aware that Dr Burrows has also retracted her resignation and Ms Wolfe has agreed to pick up her mentoring so that she may remain on AAU."

Serena nodded.

The food arrived and it certainly was a cut above. Henrik did have good taste. She must remember to bring Bernie here. Her heart stung a little as she thought of Bernie. Bernie who was willing to wait in the wings until Serena was ready to bring her centre stage in her life. She had been in the wings since Elinor's death if she were honest. All Bernie asked in return was that there was some place for her. She was pulled from her thoughts by Hanssen.

"You look deep in thought, would you like to share?"

 _Am I really that easy to read! Hanssen won't want to hear about Bernie. She and Hanssen's friendship did not run that personally._

"Sorry Henrik, I was just thinking about how good Ms Wolfe has been over the last few months."

"Ah yes, Ms Wolfe. You certainly have a loyal one there Serena."

"Well I meant in respect of the AAU; I do not know how we would have coped without her."

"Yes but I think this stretches further than AAU. Ms Wolfe's loyalty to the hospital and yourself is very commendable and when you have someone like that in your corner; you need to ensure that you don't let them go."

They ate in silence for a while as Henrik contemplated his next words. Given that the subject of Ms Wolfe had come up it had shoe horned him nicely to the subject he did want to touch on with Serena.

"Serena I have to admit I did have an ulterior motive for asking to see you today. I hope you will forgive me for this minor ruse." Serena looked up.

"I met with Ms Wolfe yesterday, did she tell you?"

"No. I've not really seen her; other than her running me here" Serena said, not affronted or surprised; she gathered that Bernie would meet with him at some point to discuss AAU, Jasmine and her. Bernie had purposely not tried to discuss work with Serena. As well as this because Bernie was effectively living at her flat, the time she did spend with Serena was their time. Precious time. Not time to discuss work.

With their mains finished the plates were cleared and Henrik ordered another bottle of wine. He had spoken with Ms Wolfe yesterday and he had asked her not to mention anything from their meeting until he had spoken to Serena. She had been true to her word.

"Well as I have already said Ms Wolfe has taken over mentorship of Ms Burrows and she is more than capable of running AAU, so in that respect I would urge you not to rush back."

Serena nodded, they both know that she had returned too early last time.

"I am aware that you do not wish to take sickness leave; nor do I feel that gardening leave is appropriate; as we are both aware of the implications."

The wine arrived and Henrik poured as he continued to speak; "I am aware that a sabbatical may be a more appropriate course of action here. That way you can take time and distance yourself from Holby whilst knowing that your position here would be waiting for you upon your return. What say you?"

Serena did know if Henrik was very intuitive or whether Bernie had dropped a hint; either way this would be the best option. Sick leave or suspension would probably what she deserved here but a sabbatical would be ideal. Especially since Bernie was supportive of the idea and maybe a bit of space between herself and Jason would help to mend the hurt he had caused. Obviously depending on the sabbatical itself she would need to speak to Alan about Jason living with him on a more permanent basis. She certainly would not uproot him to satisfy her needs.

"Well, um; I would need to discuss it with Bernie and Jason of course. But although I need time away from Holby I certainly do not want to spend it sitting at home twiddling my thumbs."

"Naturally; Ms Wolfe has informed me that Jason is currently living elsewhere. How is that?" This was Henrik the friend asking, not Hanssen the CEO. He was quite fond of Jason and admired the responsibility Serena had taken on with him.

"He moved back with his full time carer Alan, after, well; the other day. He lived with Alan when I first met him. He ended up with me as Alan fell ill and was unable to care for Jason. It seemed like the natural thing to do to let Jason go back to what he was familiar with."

"Is it permanent?" Henrik asked, hoping it wasn't. Not that Jason replaced her daughter but he felt Serena needed someone to care for. She was a carer, a mother hen. But first she needed to look after herself.

She shrugged, "I hope not."

Henrik nodded, realising that the future was very uncertain for his friend. He would help as much as possible to assist Serena in getting herself back from the edge.

Henrik reached for his case and pulled out some papers. "Now I want to show you something, please do not write it off straight away." He was concerned that what he was about to show her would evoke memories and she would flat out disregard his proposal.

He passed the booklet to her, "I would ask you to consider it, speak to Ms Wolfe, speak to Jason and call me with a decision. The placement is for 6 months; ample time for you to deal with the issues you need to address. Also, it would allow time for Dr Burrows to complete her rotation on AAU. I feel she is owed the opportunity to complete it given her level of loyalty to yourself and department; but I also feel that it would be unwise for you to return whilst she is there."

Serena opened the booklet and read. This was a position for a surgeon with management experience. This particular hospital needed an overhaul. They needed someone to come in and fix the problems. No nonsense approach. Not there to make friends. There to do a job and leave once a new board of directors was in place. It did sound like a challenge that Serena would like to take on. The hospital itself looked good, the credentials looked good. _But there was a but….._

"Henrik, it's in the Czech Republic. You want me to go to Prague!"

"Serena, admit you read the remit and it excited you; then you saw the location."

"Yes, are you surprised at my trepidation? Is your answer to everything to send someone abroad to stew in their own juices?" She said a little too coarsely.

Henrik nodded his head to the side, "In my defence Serena I was unaware of the situation between yourself and Ms Wolfe when I made a proposal to her. I hope you know that I do feel a little responsible for the repercussions of that move."

Serena waved her hand, she knew Henrik was not responsible, Bernie did not have to accept and she certainly did not have to go incommunicado and remain there longer than necessary.

"Forgive me Henrik, you have no need to take any of the responsibility. Maybe the time apart made us realise…." She left the sentence hanging not wanting to make her boss privy to too much of her private life.

He nodded graciously, "I think you will find that Prague is not too far away, relatively speaking. Within the deal I have negotiated I have stipulated that you will be given leave to return to the UK as and when required. As you would be there on a consultancy role your hours would not be fixed and a degree of your work can be done remotely."

Serena took this in, maybe it would not be so bad if she could come back, and it would be easy enough for Bernie to visit if Hanssen allowed her the time off.

"I am fairly certain I can adjust some rota's to ensure that Ms Wolfe is able to visit you. In fact we may even be able to send her as an additional consult for a few days."

 _He really had thought of everything._ She considered as she took a sip of wine.

"Henrik, I don't know I mean. It's the Czech Republic."

"I hear that you have a certain skill for languages?"

"Not Czech though."

"No, but I hear you have a grasp of German and you are pretty good at English."

They both laughed, "Yes I speak and read German fairly competently. English too for that matter."

"Well you are set then. Amongst the higher educated in the Czech Republic almost all are bi or tri lingual, languages of choice being German and more predominantly English."

They sat and drank for a few moments.

"Please say you will consider it Serena."

"I will Henrik. I just need to discuss it with Bernie, and Jason of course."

Henrik put his elbows on the table and touched the fingertips of his hands together. This was a pose he took on when he was going to say something profound.

"I think you will find that Ms Wolfe will be more than supportive if you wished to take up this placement."

He gave a knowing look making Serena wonder she was not the first person that he had shown this proposal for her to.


	2. Chapter 2

Serena had called Bernie to come and fetch her. Serena would have been happy to get a taxi but Bernie was insistent, even if it was a case of her just dropping her at home. Bernie would take anything that Serena was willing to give.

She offered Hanssen a lift but he politely declined explaining that he was catching a train. He did wait with her until Bernie arrived. They stood outside the restaurant. For an April early evening the weather was pleasant.

As Bernie pulled up Serena turned to Hanssen, "Thank you for today Henrik. I do appreciate it and don't nearly deserve it."

"That's where you are wrong Serena." He hugged her briefly and squeezed her arm, "Not to put you under pressure but I need a decision ASAP."

"Absolutely, I will give it consideration."

Serena went around to the passenger seat and got in. They waved to Hanssen as Bernie pulled off.

"You look happier." Bernie observed.

Serena placed her hand on Bernie's as she had her hand on the gear stick. "Yeah, Henrik helped."

"Oh yeah?" Bernie posed it as a question to see if Serena would divulge more.

Serena sat but did not say more, she was not sure where to start. The conversation would come around to Hanssen's offer and she was not sure how she felt, never mind how Bernie and Jason would react.

Bernie decided a different tack, "Would you like me to drop you home darling?" She looked at Serena and added, "I'm not asking to come in; I can just drop you there."

"Can we go to yours?" Bernie was secretly happy. Serena wanted to spend time with her. "I'm still getting used to Jason not being around and mine is just too much of a reminder."

"Of course." Bernie indicated to turn the car to go towards her flat, "I can run you home later."

The arrived at the flat and Bernie remembered it was a bit of a tip. She had been working a lot and when she got home she had nothing to tidy up for; not like Serena would be around. Until now. "I'm sorry darling the place is a bit of a mess."

"I'm not coming round to mark your flat out of 10 for tidiness. I just want to be with you."

"That I can arrange." She opened the door. "Go through."

Serena went through, it really wasn't that bad, for Bernie. This was probably due to the fact she spent more time in their office than she did at home. Serena wasn't supposed to know but Bernie had been working extended shifts just to get on top of the paperwork. Serena had not really been doing paperwork lately. So Bernie had picked up the slack.

Serena went through to the kitchen, Bernie was right behind. "Drink?"

"Do you have any wine in?" Serena asked.

"Yeah sure." She reached for a glass and flicked the kettle on for herself.

"Are you not having one?"

"Well I can't drive you home later if I have a drink."

Serena leaned past Bernie and reached down a second glass. She poured them both a drink. She placed a kiss to Bernie's cheek, "Can I stay please?"

Bernie pulled Serena in for a hug, "You need not ask."

Bernie led Serena through to the living room and they sat on the sofa as Bernie put music on. The sat for a few minutes before Serena broke the silence. "Henrik was very supportive today. I'm glad you persuaded me to meet with him."

Bernie just held Serena's hand and smiled.

"I believe you met with him yesterday."

"I did." Bernie confirmed.

"How did that go?"

"Well as you are probably aware Jasmine is staying on AAU and I am going to be her mentor." Serena nodded. "We discussed your absence and Henrik checked I would be able to manage with AAU and the Trauma unit."

"And…"

"I promised to keep on top of the paperwork." They both laughed. Bernie squeezed Serena's hand, "And I said… I can manage for as long as it takes, as long as I get my partner in crime back." She nudged Serena making it clear that she definitely meant her.

Bernie took a sip of wine and wondered when, or indeed if, Serena was going to mention the secondment that Henrik said he was going to pitch to Serena.

Serena reached for her bag and pulled out the literature on the hospital in Prague. "Did Henrik mention this?" She passed it to Bernie.

Bernie nodded upwards, "He said he had found something that he wanted to pitch to you, but did not give me specifics; he just asked if I thought you might be willing to discuss."

"What did you say?" Serena mused.

"I asked if it was growing your own grapes in the South of France." They both laughed. "No, seriously. I said he would be better just asking."

So Bernie started to read through the brochure, "Mmm, this looks right up your street. You would get to flex your management muscle and still have theatre time."

"It does on paper, yes." Serena nodded.

Bernie saw that Serena's glass was empty and got up to get the wine. "What's the 'but'?"

Serena sighed, "You well know Berenice."

Bernie came back with the wine and topped up the glasses, she sat on the sofa so that she was facing Serena, she grabbed both her hands. "You cannot compare this to Kiev. I, um, I left for the wrong reasons and I acted terribly whilst I was away. I was rubbish. You are not, would not be." She looked at Serena dead in eye, "Do you want to know what I think?"

Serena nodded, tears caught in her eyes, "Yes please."

Bernie took a deep breath, "We are stronger now, than we were when I buggered off to Kiev, that was a mistake and I handled it badly. But for the grace of God things swung in my favour and I did not lose you forever." She paused, "I am here for you regardless. I think we have both accepted you need time out of this place. Hanssen has thrown you a real life line here Serena. You would be a fool not to take it." She spoke softly and in a measured tone. Holding on to her feelings. She obviously wanted Serena close, didn't want to lose her. But knew this was for the best. _And let's face it I would be a bit of a fucking hypocrite if I opposed to Serena getting on a plane and doing something purely for herself._

Serena took in Bernie's words, "I see what you are saying, and I said to you on the roof I do hope you are part of my future; but at this moment in time, I don't know which way is up. All I do know is whatever way I do face it does not make me happy." She looked at Bernie, "All I do know is that you do make me happy, but I need to be a better person, for me; for you."

Bernie pulled Serena to her so that Serena was tucked into her side. She sniffed, "I've always got your back and I will always love you, wherever you may be."

Serena noted that within the last week Bernie had proclaimed her love several times. Twice in the toilets that last day she was at work. She was not just paying lip service to it. Serena knew she meant it and so for her to endorse Henrik's proposal for Serena to go to Prague she was showing how much she loved her. She was willing to keep things ticking over here so that Serena could go and find herself once again.

Serena nuzzled into Bernie, "What about Jason?" She asked sleepily.

Bernie could tell Serena was tired. "I think that Jason will understand. The space will do you good. He still has you, but he has me too and of course he has Alan. Plus everyone at the hospital. I think as long as you can promise that you will contact him he will be fine. Hey maybe he and I could come and visit? We can sort something I promise."  
"As usual Major, you are right."  
"Ha, nobody has ever said that, other than you."

"Well you are right." She yawned.

"Ok well if you say so, I think the tiredness is getting to you personally. I am on a late tomorrow so let's have a lie in tomorrow and we can plan how to discuss it with Jason, together."  
"Mmmm." Serena said sleepily as Bernie all but lifted her from the sofa to take her to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Serena was having a restless night. She did feel better that she was in Bernie's arms but sleep evaded her as questions, problems and situations played out in her head over and over. At one point she turned over and she heard a murmur of pain from Bernie.

Bernie was having a restless night. She was happy that Serena was here, she would hate to think how Serena would be if she were having this sleepless night alone. Serena was tucked into the crook of Bernie's left side. The side that was bruised and giving her some pain since she had shoved that fire door open a couple of days ago. Bernie was unable to sleep as ever she got comfortable and the pain subsided, Serena moved. Serena did not know that Bernie was in pain, or that she was awake; until Serena moved and a pain shot through Bernie causing her to let out a subconscious murmur of pain. She was rumbled.

"Bernie, are you OK?" Serena whispered.

"Yeah, the old shoulder is giving me a bit of jip. Nothing to worry about."

Serena sat up slightly and undid Bernie's pyjama top. Bernie was in quite a lot of pain and once Serena opened her top she would see the bruising. She took a deep breath. _No point hiding it now._

Serena saw the bruising and lifted Bernie a little to see it was worse on the back, "Bernie, what's this? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me settle here when it hurts every time I toss and turn?" Serena sounded put out, hurt. Serena had tears in her eyes. She didn't like that Bernie was hurt and didn't tell her.

Bernie shook her head, holding back the tears from the pain, and the emotion. "I'm a bit bruised from when I shoved the fire door on the roof."

Serena looked down. At the time Bernie had not realised that Serena was actually sitting in a deck chair, drinking and smoking and listening to music. She had assumed far worse. She had assumed Serena was literally on the edge and acted on instinct.

"Why didn't you tell me; have you been checked out?"

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I just couldn't wait for security to get to the door. I needed to know you were OK. I am a doctor, I checked myself out. No lasting damage."

"Sit up, let me see properly please." Serena had switched into doctor mode as she stood and did several movement tests and pressed certain areas to see the damage. "I don't know what makes you think that you can examine an injury like this yourself Bernie." She pressed a certain part and Bernie hissed in pain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"S'OK." Bernie said through gritted teeth.

"Wait here." Serena got up and left the room. Bernie couldn't help but think how cute she looked in borrowed pyjama's even when she was miffed with Bernie for hiding her injury.

Serena came back with some ibuprofen gel. "Scoot forward."

Bernie, now sitting up shifted forward and Serena sat behind her as she started to massage the gel into Bernie's skin. "Why the hell did you let me lie on you like this, knowing how restless I am?" Serena's tone was kind, despite the hint of seriousness.

"That's the side you sleep on." Bernie shrugged. It was a rubbish excuse but had she asked her to swap sides she would have been rumbled.

Serena placed a kiss on Bernie's back as she continued her treatment, "You are a daft arse."

"Yep. Not in dispute."

Serena finished up and ran her hands down Bernie's sides. "Done. Feeling any better?" She shrugged on Bernie's top, leaving it undone and ran her hands around Bernie's front.

"Yes, much better thanks." Bernie said as she leaned back on to Serena's front. "So now we have figured out why I am having a sleepless night; can I ask you what troubles you darling?"

Serena sighed as she fumbled with Bernie's hands which were now resting on top of hers, "I'm just all at sea over what to do for the best. I have any number of things running around in my head."

Bernie knew that this would be the case. She had spent her whole time in Kiev in a similar position; only she had done nothing about it, in fact she had made a conscious effort to avoid addressing her thoughts, as they all turned to Serena. "So, I know we were going to discuss this tomorrow, she looked at the time, it was 4.03am; well later, but as we are both awake would you like to discuss it now?" She turned and looked at Serena, "It might stop it all running about in your head."

Serena nodded.

Bernie leaned to the bedside table and picked up her laptop and opened it up onto a word document, splitting the page into two.

"What are you doing?" Serena asked as she hooked her chin over Bernie's shoulders.

"Well you are going to tell me what is troubling you," She points to the left side; "And then we are going to find a solution," she points to the right side. "Simple."

Now Bernie had her hands poised over the keyboard and Serena stroked Bernie's stomach wondering where to start, hoping to glean some clarity from bodily contact with Bernie.

"Ok, I really don't know where to start."

Bernie sighed, she knew the issue. Serena was trying to rank these issues in order of importance and although Bernie knew she ranked quite highly; she knew that Jason would be Serena's first concern. They were more like mother and son than auntie and nephew. Also Bernie was able to process all of this and try to reason all of this, Jason just did not have that in him. Bernie tried to help Serena out. "Right, don't try to put these things in order, just tell them to me as they come into your head, OK? For each one we put on paper, you can shelve it in your head. Also," Bernie turned to Serena and placed a chaste kiss to Serena's lips; much like the one they had on the roof the other night, "Forget it is me writing the list. I'm speaking to you as a friend now. I just want to help."

Pressure alleviated Serena started with the list. "I'm worried about leaving Jason here. I know he is living with Alan now, but I don't want him thinking I have abandoned him. What if something happens to Alan again? What happens if something happens to Jason and I am over there?" As she continued to talk her voice became more panicked and Bernie typed the worries as bullet points. She also fired up I tunes to put on Groucutt and Haynes, she needed to calm Serena down and music usually worked.

"Right so if we meet with Jason, or you can do it alone; you can explain why you need to go away for a bit. Explain that Hanssen has found you a job which means you still work for the hospital. I think Jason will go for it if he knows it was Hanssen's idea. They seem to connect on a certain level." All the while she was typing these solutions in the right hand column. "I think if you maintain regular contact with Jason; skype, phone, texts, emails; he will be fine. Also if you explain that you can come back to visit and I can bring him to visit you; Jason will not be a problem. Even he knows you are not the Auntie Serena he knows and he will appreciate you need time apart. He was the one who went to Alan's darling."

Serena nodded.

"As for Alan," Bernie continued, she was on a roll. They both knew that this was best for Serena, even if it hurt; she wanted it to work. "As soon as it is a decent time why don't you call him and explain the situation. As far as I know Jason's current care package with Alan does not have an end date. It is not respite darling. Alan has taken Jason back and become his full time carer as a job. I sure he will be fine with 6 months steady work." Bernie typed in that Alan would be fine and they would call him later. "If anything happens to him; which is unlikely, alternative care will be in place. At worst you could come back."

"Thank you Bernie, this is helping; are you sure you don't need sleep."

"Darling, I would much rather do this with you. Sleep can wait. Maybe we might get a few hours together if we can sort this out." Bernie carried on typing, "If, God forbid, anything happened to Jason. I am here and there are regular flights from Prague on every airline going. You can't let the fear of the unpredictable and unknown stop you from doing anything Serena."

They both sat for a moment remembering Ellie and how her death had been unexpected; that's what made it harder. One day she was there, the next she wasn't.

They tripped through several other worries on Serena's list in her mind.

The car- Stick it in the garage, maybe get Jason insured so he can learn to drive.

The house- Bernie would keep an eye on it. As all of Serena's living expenses were covered in Prague keeping the house running was no issue. Serena suggested Bernie may want to move in, just to help with insurance cover and it not being unoccupied, but somehow they both decided it was not right. They compromised and Bernie agreed to go to the house regularly and stop over with Jason occasionally as it had been agreed that Bernie would not stop seeing Jason whilst Serena was away.

Other more practical problems to do with actually going, for every problem thrown into the mix Bernie had a solution.

The list was virtually exhausted and at 2-3 pages long so it should be. But one major; 'Major'; topic had not come up yet. Bernie figured Serena was leaving this until last. Given that Bernie may, or may not hold the solution to this one.

Bernie had finished typing the last solution, "So anything else?" She posed to Serena.

Serena paused, she closed the lid on Bernie's laptop and put it on the side. She was breathing deeply. Bernie turned her body so that she was sitting cross legged in front of Serena, her top still open, looking directly at her. "Can we survive this Bernie?"

"We can." Bernie said with upmost conviction. "I love you, and I hope that you feel the same." She took a breath, "This means we can get through anything. I can take anything you want to throw at me." She gave a grin and winked. She ran her hands down Serena's arms. "I know you worry this will be like when I fucked off to the Ukraine but this is quite different."

Tears were running down Serena's face, Bernie brushed them away with the pad of her thumb. "I was at fault last time. I was rubbish, but you know I have changed. I said you were the excuse for leaving; but we know it was me. I regretted it and was too scared to admit it."

Bernie was holding her tears, she had to say what she needed to say. It would be heart breaking to let Serena go for six months but the last four months had been treacherous to say the least. That could not continue, they both knew this. "I wasn't lying last night when I said we are stronger now. I am stronger. Strong enough for us both if needs be. OK?"

Serena was full on crying and no about of wiping away cleared her tears. "I think we both need sleep. You will see clarity in the morning, well later this morning once we have slept OK."

Serena kissed Bernie and whispered, "Thank you." As she got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Whist she was gone Bernie opened the laptop and added 'Will we survive?' to the list of problems, in the right side she wrote, 'We are stronger this time.' She saved the document and closed the laptop as Serena came back to the bed and came over to the right side so that she could cuddle up to Bernie without causing her any pain. They both fell asleep pretty quickly safe in the knowledge that they had each other.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Sooooooo I started this as a one shot that has grown (thanks for follows/reviews).

If there is enough interest in this I will follow it forward, either in this story or a follow on. If the interest is there I would be happy to provide regular updates until Serena is actually back on our screens.

Please let me know your thoughts.

So here you go, Chapter 4:

Serena woke at 10am. She had slept properly for a few hours. Bernie was still snoring. _Brilliant Bernie, my saviour._

She lifted herself gently from the bed as not to disturb Bernie. Now they had an excellent plan of action she planned to start making steps. She went to the living room and called Alan. She asked after Jason to see if he had settled and filled him in on the current situation with them; her. It was the least he deserved given that he would get a Jason version of events that he would not nearly be able to piece together. Alan explained; as Bernie had correctly stated; that Jason's current care package was open and would be reviewed periodically. But he assured her that regardless he would be there for Jason as long as he was needed.

Serena asked if she and Bernie could pick up Jason at lunchtime and take him for lunch and then straight to work. Alan said he would ask Jason and text her back to confirm.

With Serena's spirits lifted a little she returned to the bedroom knowing that speaking to Jason was the priority here. All the other things on the list came after discussing this crazy plan with her Nephew.

She remembered to get in on the right side of the bed as she gently lifted the covers and climbed in. She resumed her place cuddled up to Bernie. Bernie stirred, "Get your bloody cold feet off me woman." Bernie said with closed eyes as she smiled. Serena went to move her feet but Bernie actually drew them into the warmth of her legs as she smiled and opened her eyes.

"Where you been? I missed you." Bernie said as she kissed Serena's forehead.

"You were asleep."

"I can miss you while I'm asleep can't I?" Bernie posed as she drew her arms around Serena.

"Well yes, but what are you going to do when I am in Prague?"

They both paused for a moment at the realisation. It seems that Serena had made up her mind, she just needed to get a few of her ducks in order.

Bernie rested her elbow on the pillow and propped her head on her hand so that she was slightly above Serena. She sighed, "I'll cope."

"You'll cope."

Bernie gave one firm nod of the head. "For the greater good, I can be patient. When it comes to you Serena Campbell," She took her finger and touched it to Serena's nose, "I will do anything, even exercise patience." She smiled.

Serena leaned up to catch Bernie in a searing kiss. This kiss turned into something more. It was the first time they had made love for some time. Since Elinor's death previous attempts had been laced with guilt and emotion and it simply had not been worth the cold shoulder afterwards. This was different. Today Serena was not thinking about her daughter and how it was wrong for her to be enjoying life, and love, whilst her daughter was not able to. Today was about Serena and Bernie reconnecting; showing their love for each other, reinforcing their strength in testing times.

Sometime later they heard Serena's phone ring. Serena leaned over Bernie to grab the phone, she mouthed the word 'Jason' to Bernie as she lay there grinning. Serena answered, "Hello my darling how are you?"  
"Fine thank you Auntie Serena. Alan has said that you want to take me for lunch today."  
"Yes, I very much would like to take you out, spend some time with you."

"You do know Bernie is supposed to be taking me to work today, we both start at two O'clock." He stated matter of factly.

"I know Jason. I thought the three of us could go to lunch and then you can both go to work."

"Will you be going back to work soon?" He enquired.

"That's something we can discuss when I see you later. Shall we pick you up about 12?"

"Yes, thank you Auntie Serena." Serena could hear the smile in his voice. It made her smile.

Bernie was now sitting up in bed as Serena was lying on her side on the phone. Bernie could see that a metaphorical weight had been lifted from Serena and not just because Jason had agreed to meet them for lunch. She truly believed that she and Serena had needed last night and this morning. The last four months had been shit, and she would never vocalise this, Serena knew. But finally Bernie could see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for Serena, and for them. She was pulled from her thoughts by Serena, "Right Major, arse in gear please. We have a lunch date and you have to go via my place so that I can get changed."

With that Bernie pushed herself from the bed, planted a kiss to Serena's lips, "Sir, yes, Sir." She joked as she ambled to the bathroom for a shower.

They pulled up at Alan's and Jason bounded towards the car. Bernie had realised that once they got back to Serena's they would need to switch cars, because although the Mazda was a wonderful car it did only have two seats. Bernie was driving Serena's car, but Serena had insisted that she would drop them off at the hospital and pick them up after work. It was her way of maintaining contact with them both; and a reason to remain sober, if she admitted it to herself.

Jason got in the back, "Hello Auntie Serena, Hello Bernie."

Bernie turned and smiled and Serena reached her hand out for his as Bernie drove off, "Hello Jason," She said tenderly, "Where shall we go for lunch?"

Jason pulled a face, "Mmmmmm, can we go to Nando's?"

Bernie smiled, she indicated to go to the retail park, she was quite hungry and was glad he picked a place nearby.

They were sat in the booth, drinks and food ordered Serena grabbed Bernie's hand for moral support as she prepared to speak.

"So Jason, how are things with you?"

"Great, Alan is great. Not that I did not like living with you but we can't live together at the moment because you are not _my_ Auntie Serena." He stressed the 'My'. A clear sign that he no longer saw things in black and white, as it were.

Serena nodded, "As usual Jason you have hit the nail on the head, I am not myself. Bernie agrees."

Bernie squeezed Serena's hand and nodded with a sad smile. They all wanted old Serena back.

Jason was thinking about his words, Bernie had been teaching him to process his thoughts before he spoke. The drinks arrived and Jason smiled, "When do you think you will be back at work? Do you need to get back to your old self first?"

"Well, I have spoken to Mr Hanssen and he agrees that I need some time, but he has offered me a job elsewhere so that I might sort myself out whilst still working."

When Serena and Bernie had spoken; Serena had considered not putting a time limit on her time away. She thought that 6 months may seem a long time to Jason but Bernie reasoned that it would be unfair to tell him a generic time frame like 'a couple of months' when they both knew that it was six. It would be another thing on Serena's mind, stressing her out, trying to explain to Jason each month that it would be just a little bit longer.

Jason looked at Serena, "So Mr Hanssen wants you to work away for a while?"

"Yes." Serena answered simply. All the while holding Bernie's hand for the support.

"Well I think that might be a really good idea. You are not happy here. Being somewhere else might make you happy enough to come back."

 _Well, bloody hell that seemed a little too good to be true._ Serena pondered as Jason continued.

"I will miss you, and so will Bernie," Bernie smiled in confirmation, "But if it means we get you back then you need to go."

 _Definitely too good to be true!_

The food arrived and they tucked in. Serena was surprised he had not asked more questions, like where and how long and what she would be doing. She expected that this was to come.

Bernie was next to speak, "Jason, do you have any questions about what Serena just told you?"

Jason was eating chips and pondered. "How long?"

"6 months." Serena figured after the chat with Bernie and knowing Jason, no point in beating around the bush.

He nodded. No comment, difficult to gauge how he felt as he usually said. He was probably going to wait until he had more information before forming a firm opinion on Serena's decision.

"Where are you going?"

"Well Mr Hanssen has found me a placement in Prague."

"The Czech Republic." Jason commented, again from his tone no clue as to his thoughts.

"Yes, quick flight away." Serena added in.

He pulled his thinking face as he ate some more. Both Serena and Bernie knew not to push and so let him ruminate.

They ate and waited to see what would happen next. "I have a question." He stated matter of factly. Whether they agreed or not it seemed he would pose the question.

"Bernie, will I still see you when Auntie Serena is away?"  
Quick as a flash, no hesitation Bernie answered, "I'm counting on it Jason." She said with a little laugh, he joined in. Serena always pleasured in hearing them laugh together.

Serena smiled, Bernie had obviously been expecting some such comment from him and was prepared for it. It just made her love Bernie just a little bit more.

They finished eating and the plates were taken and Serena asked for the bill. Work beckoned for Bernie and Jason but there was still a few loose ends.

"So Jason, you would be alright if I went away for a little while then?"

He nodded, "I will miss you but I want _MY_ Auntie Serena back. So if you have to go away and come back better, that is OK. But we will need to discuss when we are going to Skype and text. I have to put work first. A schedule would be best."

Serena smiled and patted his arm.

"Anything else you need to know love?" In her heart her decision was made but she needed to know that Jason was behind her all the way before committing.

"Um, well, when will you go?"

Bernie was also intrigued about the answer to this question. It was not something she had thought to ask. Her departure to Kiev was very abrupt, but that was more on her part. The running shoes were on. With Serena she has certain things to put in place before she took off.

"Well Mr Hanssen wants a decision from me soon. I told him that I needed to speak to you and Bernie before I made a proper decision. As for when I go I would need to ask him when I say yes. That is if you are both OK for me to say yes."

Jason smiled and looked at Bernie. "I think," Bernie started, "That it would be a good opportunity for you Serena. Jason and I love you and support you and I am sure that Jason will agree if I say that if time away helps and you come back to us feeling better than you do now, we will miss you; but we will be fine, we will cope until you come home. What say you Jason?"

"I agree with Bernie. I know I will miss you but I have lots of friends, and Bernie. So I know I will be OK?"

Bernie considered his last statement. He said friends, and Bernie. So he saw her as more than a friend… she would have to remember to ask Serena's view on this, to see if she had picked up on it.

"Right," Serena stated as she stood after paying the bill, "I need to get you both to the factory and I need to speak to Mr Hanssen."

"We don't work in a factory Auntie Serena, we work at the hospital." Jason stated in his factual way.

Bernie burst into fits of laughter.

As they walked to the car Serena text Hanssen, "I'm dropping Bernie and Jason at work shortly, do you have 5 minutes for an old friend. I need you to find me somewhere decent to live in Prague… no hospital digs please!"


	5. Chapter 5

Serena entered the hospital with Jason and Bernie. She was heading straight up to Hanssen's office as he had confirmed he was free to see her. Serena gave Bernie's hand a quick squeeze in the lift before Bernie got out at AAU. Serena carried on up in the lift hoping not to bump into anybody really, but particularly Jac or Jasmine. She was lucky the coast was clear all the way to Henrik's office.

She knocked on and Hanssen gave his usual boom to enter. He smiled when he saw Serena. He motioned for her to sit as he went to make drinks. "Tea, coffee?"

"Coffee please." Serena smiled. She still could not believe Hanssen had thrown her such a lifeline.

He came to sit next to her rather than have the desk between them. She had a feeling of déjà vu from last week when he had warned her to be careful what she said to him in his capacity as the hospital's CEO.

He sipped his tea and looked at Serena, "I am glad you have made a decision regarding the placement I have sought for you. We can discuss that in a moment." He paused, "But first I feel I have to offer an apology to you."

"An apology?" Serena looked confused.

"Yes. I feel that this hospital, I, failed you. I could have done more to help you in your time of need. I shoulder the responsibility for not intervening earlier."

"Henrik you were not to know that things would turn out like this."

"I should have seen the signs." He added as to indicate that this was no longer for debate. His loyalty to Serena had wobbled and since then he had taken upon himself to ensure that his friend and colleague was well looked after.

Serena was with Hanssen for a good hour discussing the finer points of the placement and they had even taken part in a conference call with the hospital in Prague. They were very impressed with Serena's credentials and it seemed they were willing to do anything to secure her.

Bernie had been thrown straight in the deep end on AAU. Red phone ha rang within 5 minutes of her getting into her scrubs. Raf was currently looking at the theatre schedule as there definitely needed to be some creative diarising to ensure that all of the procedures scheduled were performed as well as allowing for the emergency surgeries that were on their way in. Bernie certainly had no time to think about how Serena's meeting had gone with Hanssen. She had no time to dwell on the fact that this time next week Serena may be gone.

It was 7pm before Bernie got in to the office and was able to check her phone. Serena had sent a couple of messages. The first was at 3.30pm.

"Hello you, spoke to Hanssen. Prague is locked in. Looking to fly out relatively soon. If you are not too tired I can fill you in later. Sx"

 _Relatively soon. What the fuck does that mean. Tired or not she would want to know._

The next message was half an hour ago.

"Hello you, assume it is bedlam today. I will be on the carpark at 10. Love you Sx"

Bernie replied to the text as she wondered if Serena was worried that she had not replied.

"Hello yourself. Been in theatre since 2.30. Will definitely be out on time, we can talk then. Bx"

True to her word Bernie was out of the hospital on time. The staff on AAU had picked up on last week's events and knew that Bernie was holding the fort alone. Bernie had been pulling long hours and the rumour mill was saying that Serena was going to be seconded somewhere. They all knew better than to ask Bernie about it specifically. She had asked to leave dead on time as Serena was picking her up. Raf and Morven agreed without question.

Bernie got to the car and Jason was already in the back. Serena was listening to him tell her about his day. She wanted to wait until Bernie was in the car before she mentioned Prague; it was going to be hard enough to tell them she was leaving next Tuesday, after the Easter bank holiday; never mind having to say it twice.

Bernie was settled in her seat and smiled, trying to look more awake than she felt. Serena started the car. "Is it OK if we drop you off first Jason?" Serena stated more than asked.

"Well wouldn't it make more sense to drop Bernie off first as that will mean going out of your way."

Serena smiled and looked in the rear view to catch Jason's eye, "Bernie's coming back with me darling."

Jason smiled. Bernie smiled. She did not know until just now that she was stopping Serena's but she was happy to go with the flow. She wanted to hear about what Hanssen had arranged.

"Auntie Serena, did Mr Hanssen let you know when you would be going away?"

Serena took a breath, "Yes." She reached out for Bernie's hand, "They want me to fly out on Tuesday 18th April, just after Easter."

Jason looked up and observed, "Well you have to go sometime and the sooner you go, the sooner you come back."

Serena smiled at Jason's logic. She looked across at Bernie but just could not read her. It looked like her jaw was clenched. Maybe once Jason was out of the car she would gauge the atmosphere. She hoped Bernie was OK with her flying off in 5 days, after all Bernie had not only advocated this placement she had helped Serena to make her decision. But still, it must be hard.

They pulled up outside of Alan's house. Jason got out and came to the driver's window as Serena wound down her window. "I will come to see you at the weekend, we can do something nice together before I leave. Would that be alright?" Serena asked. She realised she had broken Jason's heart a little, enough to force him to decide to move out of her, their, home. She knew she had to build bridges before they got back what they had before.

"Yes, I think I am off on Saturday. I will call you tomorrow. Goodbye Auntie Serena, goodbye Bernie." Serena waved and Bernie gave a weak smile.

Serena wound up her window and pulled off. "Are you OK to come back to mine, or would you rather go to the flat."

"Either," Bernie said with a sigh, unable to hide the exhaustion in her voice.

Serena picked up on this, "We don't have to talk tonight, we can do it another time."

"No tonight. When else are we going to do it?" Bernie said flatly.

Serena could not decide if Bernie was tired, upset, pissed off or all three.

"Bernie.." Serena started to say as she was cut off.

"Not here wait until we are home." Bernie pinched the bridge of her nose. It was tiring being strong all of the time. But she had to try. "I'm sorry darling, I didn't mean to snap. I just don't want to discuss something so important whilst you are driving. I would prefer it if we can talk face to face, as it were, you know."

Serena understood, if Bernie even felt 10% of what she felt when the shoe was on the other foot, it was shit. Didn't matter what was said now. It was happening. This needed to happen. She drove to the house in silence.

Once they were in the hallway, coats and shoes off and bags dumped Bernie shut the door and locked it. She took a few paces to where Serena stood and wrapped her arms around her. Her heart was beating fast and hard. "We are strong enough to get through this, that doesn't make it easier though does it?" Serena was crying into Bernie's shoulder, she shook her head. "Why don't I make some tea and we can go up to bed and you can tell me more about your meeting with Hanssen." She shrugged, "I want to help as much as I can sweetheart."

Serena broke their hold and stroked Bernie's face, "Tea sounds good." She started up the stairs, "I really don't deserve you."

She left before Bernie could reply. Bernie headed to the kitchen to make tea. She shed a few silent tears of her own as the kettle boiled. The Serena that had surfaced through grief was a different Serena, but one she loved her none the less. Would it be better to keep that Serena if it meant her being here with her? No, she reasoned, she knew that. She knew it was purely selfish on her part. Despite the love, that Serena had not been a joy to be around, it was stressful. Then Bernie's thoughts wandered to the fact that Serena had seemed better since her lunch with Hanssen, but then that didn't mean she should stay either, because that would not be a lasting feeling. Things seemed better because Henrik had thrown Serena a lifeline. Something was happening to destroy the destructive cycle she was on, enough people had been hurt. How much more would Bernie have been able to take of this? Infinite love and patience will eventually falter. At least this way there was light at the end of the tunnel.

 _No, that was that, Serena had a journey to make to get to a destination, a destination where she would be healthier and happier. Her mental health was the most important thing here. Without that being sound everything else may just fall apart. You can do this Wolfe. Be strong._

Bernie finished making the tea and grabbed a mug in each hand and was holding a pack of chocolate hobnobs by the wrapper in her teeth.

She went up and found Serena standing in the en suite leaning on the sink looking in the mirror. She had changed into her pyjamas. Bernie put the drinks down and went in and came up behind Serena. "I'm here now." Serena picked up the double meaning. Bernie was there physically, but her strong brave Bernie from last night was also here. She sighed as her shoulders dropped and she allowed herself to relax as Bernie grabbed her hand and lead her over to the bed. "Come on let's sit, drink some tea, eat some biscuits and you can tell me about everything."

Bernie took off her jacket and jeans so that she was more comfortable. She sat leaning against the headboard. Serena sat on her lap, leaning against her chest. Bernie grabbed a biscuit, she had not eaten since lunch but was not going to mention that to Serena, she would only fuss.

"So?" Bernie said after her second biscuit.

Serena shrugged, "I'm off in 5 days."

"That much I know." Bernie observed. "How are you feeling about it all, now it is real?"

"I feel like," She paused, she couldn't find the words, "I feel like the world is conspiring against us Bernie." Bernie looked at her, she did not know how to respond to that. "We have been through a lot and it pains me to think that to be closer together we need to be further apart for a while." She looked up, "Does that make sense?"

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

Serena smiled, she knew Bernie would be on her wave length. "I need this. I want this. The challenge will do me good. I just need to stop thinking about the geographical side of things. The world is actually quite small if you think about it."

"Yes, I understand. The world is small. If you don't shut yourself off from it." Bernie was making specific reference to her disappearing act when she went to Kiev.

Serena smiled. "I promise you will get sick of hearing from me when I am over there."

"I doubt that very much sweetheart but you can try and prove me wrong." She kissed Serena, "I will miss these though." She kissed her again and Serena laughed.

"Listen, why not tell me a few more details now. I would like to know."

"You look shattered, are you working tomorrow?" Serena asked with a measure of concern.

"Not working no, not officially."

Serena gave her a quizzical look.

"Well I sometimes go in to do paperwork, plus we only have 5 days until you go away. I need to go and look at rotas as I want to ensure I help you as much as possible before you go." She paused, her lips were wobbling with emotion, "I want to make sure we have time to say goodbye properly."

"It won't be goodbye, just au revoir." Serena stated with a thin smile; trying to convince herself as much as Bernie.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N well you lucky ducky's another chapter so quickly... if you are all very good the Easter bunny may bring another chapter soon. Especially as we are a little 'real time' here aren't we!

This is pure fluff by the way!

I am totally going to carry on the story- keeps me out of mischief (in the most part)- shall I keep it going here or start a new story just for our foreign adventures? Opinions and even prompts welcome.

Now snuggle down with an early Easter egg and indulge in chapter 6.

Bernie woke up the next morning after a long deep sleep, which was unusual in itself. She was also in Serena's bed, which was not as usual as it was a few months ago; and she woke up to the smell of bacon, which was never heard of.

Serena was not in bed so Bernie suspected that she was at the root of the smell of cooking bacon, so she got up to investigate.

She wandered into the kitchen in her boxer shorts and shirt from last night, as that was how she fell asleep. Serena had 2 mugs on a tray and was just constructing two egg and bacon bloomers as Bernie appeared. _Damn she looked sexy in a kind of unkempt, slept in your clothes, kind of way._

Bernie was ruffling the hair at the back of her head and came over wrapping her arms around Serena as she handled bacon. "I was going to bring you breakfast in bed." Serena said sounding a little disappointed. Bernie kissed her neck.

"Sorry, you and the smell of bacon are my magnet. Happy to follow if you want to take my bacon buttie upstairs."

"Bacon and egg actually." Serena corrected.

"Red sauce?" Bernie queried.

"Yes, red sauce." Serena quipped as she switched the hob off and grabbed the tray.

"You do spoil me Ms Campbell." Bernie laughed as she followed Serena and the food.

Serena walked with a sway to her hips knowing that Bernie would be watching, she cast a glance behind as she said, "Well yes I do, but all this stuff needs using up before I go."

Bernie sat in bed eating, it was heaven. Mainly because she had not eaten in so long and she appreciated Serena's efforts. She would probably go back to eating pot noodles and supermarket sushi once Serena had gone.

"So what's the plan today?" Bernie said between mouthfuls of breakfast.

"I suppose I better make a start on getting stuff sorted." Serena said thoughtfully as she sipped her tea, sitting under the covers next to Bernie.

"Erm, aren't you having one?" nodding her head to the baps.

"No I had cereal darling." Serena then leaned over and took a bite of Bernie's bap.

"Eh you, get your own." Bernie said jokingly.

Serena smiled, "Quality control darling." She winked. Bernie couldn't help but love her when she was being playful.

Bernie was on her second bloomer. She loved that Serena was a feeder and for the second time she thought how she would miss dinners made by and eaten with Serena. After all their relationship was not just about sex, it was everything. She was going to miss everything. _Come on Major, get a grip, you can't waste the next precious few days thinking on this train of thought._

"Go into my bag over there," She waved her bap towards her belongings, "There is an envelope in there, it might help you."

Serena got up and retrieved said envelope. Inside was the list Bernie had typed up the other night when they had stayed up together, and another list that was a planning list. "What's this?" Serena waved the second list at Bernie.

"Oh, that's a list from when I was in the army, things to do before you go on tour, some will be relevant; some not so much so, but it covers stuff you might not have thought of." Serena read through the list. It did cover things like what to do about your house and belongings and other things like making sure your mobile phone is covered internationally. Some of the other items on the list were heavier and really intended for people off to war torn countries where there was a chance they may not return. Serena was a little overwhelmed at how thoughtful Bernie had been. She had even put initials in brackets next to things on both lists to show which ones Bernie could do, or help Serena with.

Serena noticed a handwritten addition to the list that she and Bernie had compiled. Serena started to read it as she got into bed. Bernie had now finished her breakfast and had her mug to her lips.

"Ask Jason/Serena to add Bernie as a contact for Jason with social services/ care agency."

Serena turned to Bernie, she was speechless. Bernie grabbed Serena's hand, "I may be speaking out of turn here and I know that Jason is an adult with capacity, but I was thinking; if anything happened to Jason, or any important decisions needed to be made and he wanted someone there…" Serena was taking it in, Bernie had really thought about this. "If the situation arose, they would contact you and you would either have to come back straight away or go through red tape to get them to speak to me on Jason's and your behalf." Bernie let Serena take it in, "You may think I am overstepping the mark, in which case I won't be offended; but let's say it's something as mundane as attending a care review or something, obviously Jason would have to agree too sweetheart."

Serena had tears in her eyes, "I never even thought about it. Thank you Bernie." She stroked Bernie's face. "You know that Jason see's you as more than just another one of his friends anyway. I think he would be happy to agree to this."

Bernie blushed a little, "I did wonder when we went for lunch, he said 'friends, and Bernie', which to him would be categorising wouldn't it?"

"Absolutely, you better watch, he might start calling you 'Auntie Bernie' if you become all responsible adult on him."

They both laughed as Bernie drained her mug and stated, "I'll never be a responsible adult so, no problem."

Serena leaned over and kissed her, "I really don't know what I would have done without your help Bern."

"I know." Bernie said with a smirk.

Serena gave her a playful slap. She really enjoyed Bernie's company because she was easy to be around. Even when Serena felt low and wanted to be left alone Bernie had a huge empathy. Her experiences in the army had left marks that were not seen by all. Sometimes Bernie dealt with her emotional scars in a similar way to how Serena was dealing with her grief. So she was not be offended if one minute Serena needed her close and the next she wanted to be alone. She understood the silences and the numbness, but she also knew how to read situations too; which is why Bernie had been absolutely brilliant at the hospital. Saving Serena from herself and others, offering herself up as Serena's personal punch bag to save Jasmine and Jason from being hurt. And all because she loved Serena. Serena reflected on how cruel she had been to Bernie, dismissing her love and saying it did not matter, it would not help; but still she did not give up. She was still here; she deserved so much more than a bloody bacon bap.

Bernie noticed that Serena had entered her pensive zone. She looked and squeezed Serena's hand. "Serena, what's the matter. Talk to me." She said in a low voice as not to make her jump.

Serena shook her head and bought herself back to reality. "Sorry darling, was just thinking I am still lucky to have you after how I have treated you."

"Nonsense." Bernie quickly said with utter conviction.

"I have been a hard faced bitch, to Jasmine, Jason, everyone and you have always been there; close by, offering yourself up to receive my anger and resentment in lieu of others. You have never once complained or abandoned me." She paused, "I'm bloody lucky you are still here. You should have run by now Major." She stated.

Bernie moved so what she was now straddling Serena, sitting on her legs, facing her. "I've said it before, I will say it again; just so it is clear. I love you, which means I can take anything. Yes, I have had to be tough, but you know I am tough and I am not running anywhere."

Serena cupped Bernie's face in her hands, "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I wasn't able to save myself alone."

Bernie smiled, "Serena?" She wanted to ask the hypothetical question as she was not even sure if Serena had considered it.

"Yes."

"Have you wondered why I have not offered to run to Prague with you? Especially since you know how good I am at putting on my running shoes and packing my rucksack."

"No," Serena answered honestly, she selfishly had only thought about herself going.

"Good. Because I never would, never thought to. Our future; _OURS;_ is here. AAU, the trauma unit. Jason. My kids. Our family and friends. Elinor's heart will always be here too. I need to keep things ticking over here to ensure we have a future here. I want us to have a future."

Serena was full on crying now. Bernie drew her into a hug. "God, I'm sorry, I fucked up. I didn't want to upset you."

Serena shook her head, "You have not upset me. I would be a fool to let you go Major. I see you in my future and I know what great lengths you are going to. So thank you. Not even my husband was ever as thoughtful as you are."

Bernie leaned up from Serena as not to give her dead legs. "Um, I'm not working today, but I need to nip in to see if I can change some shifts and sort a few bits of paperwork."

"What shifts are you on?"

"All lates after today?" Bernie stated. "I was thinking I will ask Raf if he will swap my lates for his earlies this weekend. That way you and Jason can spend Saturday together. I can be around to help you or see you. Whatever you need."

Serena smiled, "Would it be selfish and needy of me to want to see you as much as possible? You are my only constant at the moment."

"Absolutely not, can sort that. I will definitely take you to the airport on Tuesday. That will be before my shift. I will get rid of my Monday shift if I can. That is if you want or need me"

Bernie was sitting cross legged on the bed her hands in her lap. Serena grabbed both hands. "I do want, and need you. Now go get dressed and get that sorted we have lists to work through."

With a tip of her head Bernie was off the bed and diving into the drawers to check if she had any spare clothes there. "Yes Frauline."


	7. Chapter 7

Bernie arrived at the hospital and was spotted by Raf as she entered the office. She fired up the computer and as she waited for it to come to life she found an archive box, placed it on Serena's desk and started to put various items of Serena's into the box. She had asked Serena if she wanted anything from the office seen as she was going in anyway. Serena had scribbled a quick list and Bernie also spotted other odd items, like her winter scarf.

Bernie collapsed in her chair and typed in her password and bought up the rota for the following week. She saw that Serena's name was still on there, but her row was greyed out. She sighed as there was a knock at the door. Raf entered, "I didn't think you were working today Ms Wolfe."

"I'm not, I um, just have a few things to sort out."

Raf's eyes drifted from Bernie to the box on Serena's desk, back to Bernie."

"Have a seat." Bernie waved her hand to the chairs by the door, Raf sat hoping that Bernie's next words would clarify the situation regarding Serena. A plethora of rumours were circulating and it was difficult to determine where the truth lay; had she decked Jasmine and been sacked, had she fought with Jac, was she suspended, was she sectioned, was she on a sabbatical. Raf was not sure which one of these was true. _She can't have been sectioned, that was a tall tale of unknown origin, surely._

"Um, Raf, I have a big favour to ask?" Bernie started and Raf nodded for her to carry on, "Um, as you may have heard Serena is not going to be with us for a while." He nodded, he noted that Bernie looked sad, "Well she is going to take a sabbatical, you know; um time out from…. Here." Raf nodded and smiled slightly, relieved that Serena's time at Holby was not completely over.

"She leaves on Tuesday, so I was wondering if you would swap shifts with me tomorrow and Sunday." Bernie gave a weak smile. He was well within his rights to decline, she knew, but hoped he would grant her this favour.

"No problem, I have no plans; other than work. You need to make the most of the time you have before she goes right."

Bernie smiled and made the amendments to the rota on the computer, "Thank you Raf, I do owe you one."

"What about Monday?" He queried.

"Oh, I am going to see if Hanssen will grant me a leave day." Bernie said remembering she must do that next.

"If cover is an issue." He shrugged, "I'll pick it up for you."

Bernie beamed, Hanssen would not be able to say no now, surely. "I suppose now I can forgive you for nearly snogging my girlfriend while I was away." She laughed.

"I, I um, er Serena." Raf bumbled.

Bernie waved her hand, "I'm joking Raf, Serena explained." He looked relieved, "Yeah, she realised you just could not match up to me right." Raf laughed, that was the night Serena had admitted her feelings for Bernie to him. He was pleased it had worked out for them, despite the turmoil they had endured since Christmas.

"Is that all you need?" He said with a smirk.

"Yes, Oh and if you could keep the information regards Serena's secondment to yourself for now. I will be addressing the troops and hopefully plying the rumour mill with correct details tomorrow."

He nodded and left the room.

Bernie picked up the phone and dialled Hanssen's number, he confirmed that he was able to see her now so she pressed her hands on the desk to lift herself from her chair and made her way to the ivory tower.

She knocked and heard Hanssen say "Come in."

She entered and he gestured to a seat for her to sit.

"Ms Wolfe, how can I help?"

"Um, I came to see if I can request Monday off as leave."

"Ah, yes I should have thought, you will want to spend time with Serena before she departs."

Bernie nodded.

"How is the rest of your rota looking?

"Oh fine, I have swapped a couple of shifts with Raf so I can do early shifts and I am able to take Serena to the airport on Tuesday."

Hanssen nodded.

"I'll adjust the rota and send it up for you to sign off."

Bernie went to rise from her seat as Hanssen spoke, "How is Serena?"

She settled in the seat again not sure if this was going to start a conversation or not. "Um, she's better than last week." She smiled weakly not sure if that was the answer he wanted.

Hanssen sat with his hands linked, "Good, how does she feel about the secondment?"

Bernie smiled, "I think that she is ready for it, she feels happier about it now that she knows that she has Jason's blessing."

"Ah, yes. I imagine that must be hard for her."

"Jason has been very good about it. Saw it very one dimensionally. She needs time away to get back to the Serena she was."

"Profound." Hanssen showed a flicker of a smile. "I believe she has your blessing too."

Bernie smiled and nodded, "Absolutely."

"Pleased to hear it. Not that I wish to keep you and Ms Campbell apart, you understand."

"I understand. Serena needs this. In the grand scheme of things a secondment is a short time, if it means Serena returns in a better state of mind. There is a light at the end of the tunnel now."

Bernie spoke honestly, she did not really go in for heart to hearts with anyone other than Serena, especially not the CEO; but she felt he needed to know how grateful they both were.

"My feelings exactly, the last few months have not been good for Ms Campbell and maybe I should have acted sooner. I am glad I was able to offer this opportunity."

Bernie shrugged, "It has been difficult Mr Hanssen but I do not think any of us were quite aware of how far down the pit Serena had fallen. She hid it from all of us, and herself to a degree." She frowned a little, "I would like to thank you for sorting this for Serena, it has broken her spiral of grief; I think now she will be able to heal a little."

They sat in silence for a moment. As he formed his next words.

"The acute agony will diminish to be replaced by a dull ache, which will not go. That much I know."

Bernie nodded in agreement. She stood to leave. As she did Hanssen opened his desk drawer and pulled out a neatly wrapped package with a letter attached addressed to Serena. "Please can you pass this on to Serena for me." He stood and handed the small package over as he opened the door for Bernie. She looked at it quizzically, "Leaving gift, as it were. She may need it in Prague."

Bernie nodded her thanks and headed for the lift keen to finish her little jobs so she could get back to Serena.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Hey all, am really pleased people seem to be taking to this story, especially now I have wrapped up my previous big fic. Sorry it has been so long since an update. I wanted to give my previous fic a proper ending... plus I had to do some real life things for a bit.

hope you enjoy, have material for next couple of chapters where we see Serena leaving on a jet plane, but am happy to get prompts and suggestions etc...

N.B - Jac always seems to come off as a bit of a bitch but we love her really!

enjoy chapter 8

Bernie was in the office firing off emails and signing off a few things as her phone went off. A text from Serena.

"Realised I need a few things so have gone shopping. Didn't think you would want be my bag holder. See you back at the house later. Sx" The text also included emoji signs of dollar signs, shopping bags and hearts. It made Bernie laugh as she logged off ready to make an exit.

As she was leaving the AAU staff were gathered around Fletch at the nurses' station. All went quiet as Bernie walked by. She noted the change in atmosphere. "Everyone staff room now please."

Bernie had made a snap decision. She was going to speak to all of the staff tomorrow when she was actually on shift but she felt very strongly about nipping the rumours surrounding Serena in the bud. Much like the Pied Piper Bernie was followed by her staff. She opened the staff room door and held it open for the staff.

She leaned on the back of one of the chairs as all eyes were on her.

She cleared her throat. "By now I realise there are several rumours circulating regarding Ms Campbell; as a result I suspect our resident bookmaker is currently taking bets." She gave Fletch a knowing look. "Now I wish to put said rumours to rest and would appreciate all bets to cease."

She took a breath. She really had not planned what to say to the team in advance and wanted to ensure that her speech was not a garbled mess.

"For the coming months I will be leading AAU alone. You come to me for everything." Right that was the authority stamped. "Ms Campbell will be taking some time out." She could see the staff wanted more. "To confirm, Ms Campbell has not been sacked, not suspended, she has not been arrested nor has she been sent to the loony bin." Again her glare went straight to Fletch. "So I want to no more of these ridiculous rumours."

Morven, who was sitting to one side, put her hand up like she was in class. Bernie nodded towards her. "Ms Wolfe, is it true that she is going away?"

Bernie had not realised that this information was out in the ether yet, she thought only she, Hanssen and Serena knew.

Bernie nodded, "Yes." She paused, forcing herself to remain composed, as not to give away her personal feelings. "She is going on a sabbatical to the Czech Republic, which will be really good for her."

There were murmurs amongst the staff and Bernie held up her hand to silence them. "Now if I'm not mistaken we have a busy ward out there today. Hop back to it."

As the staff filed out of the room she added, "If anyone has any questions, please come and ask me. Please can we ensure that the rumour mill is correctly informed also, for Ms Campbell's sake."

On that note Bernie decided she should go out to Darwin to speak to Jasmine and Jac. Jac had needed a junior Doctor and Hanssen had decided to send Jasmine, give her a little break from AAU before returning to finish her rotation. As she walked on the ward Jac spotted her and stalked over, "Ms Wolfe, to what do we owe the pleasure?" She asked in a slightly sarcastic tone.

"Wondering if I could have a moment with Jasmine, and yourself."

Jac gave a bored look and spotted Jasmine. She nodded to her office for Bernie to make her way to as she fetched Jasmine.

Bernie stood in the office, she always found it impersonal. _Very Jac._ The office she shared with Serena was completely different, but she was sure that was more down to Serena and the warmth she gave off. Her thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of Jac and Jasmine.

"So?" Jac said getting to the point. She was still pissed that Jasmine had dropped the complaint and Serena had seemingly got off Scott free.

"I'll get straight to the point, I do not want to take much of your time." Jac gave a look as if to say that she had already given too much of her time to Bernie. "Um, Serena is taking a sabbatical from the hospital. 6 month project in Prague. Wanted you to hear it from me rather than through the rumour mill." Bernie stated matter of factly.

"More than she deserves." Jac said dryly.

Jasmine eyed Jac with disapproval. _How could she be so … callous?_ "Jac, Serena wasn't herself. She needs a second chance. Time to grieve properly." Bernie smiled at how understanding Jasmine had been despite being the main recipient off Serena's anger. Jac rolled her eyes. "Is Ms Campbell OK?" Jasmine added.

Bernie gave a look and shrugged a little, "Like you said she needs time." With that she knew it was her cue to leave as Jac stood wearing her most disapproving look. Bernie would not be half surprised if Jac marched up to Hanssen's office to challenge his decision. _Good luck to her._

As Bernie was making her way down to the exit she decided to divert on to Keller to visit Dom, she had heard about everything to do with Dom and Isaac and felt sorry in her heart that she had not been there for Dom when maybe he needed a friend to confide in.

She walked up to his bed and he seemed pleased to see her, "Ms Wolfe!" He exclaimed.

She returned his smile, "Bernie, please. I would like to think we are friends as well as colleagues." She gave him a reassuring wink.

Dom smiled, "I'm sorry I haven't been up to the roof for a while. Maybe I would not be in this mess if I had come to see my rooftop confident."

Bernie rubbed his arm reassuringly, "You have nothing to be sorry for, you loved and trusted Isaac."

"Yeah and I got myself into this mess didn't I."

Bernie was going to say 'don't beat yourself up', but given the circumstances a little inappropriate.

"No, I wouldn't say that Dom. All of us can too loving and too trusting at times."

Dom smiled. He always had gone in feet first relationship wise. "So, enough about me. How are you and Ms Campbell?"

He had heard the rumours surrounding Ms Campbell. He did not spread rumours regarding Bernie or Ms Campbell as he respected them and liked them very much and was actually really happy for them when they got together. Obviously they were going through a difficult time since Ms Campbell's daughter died and he noticed how Bernie looked a little sad at the mention of Ms Campbell.

"I take it you are privy to the most recent rumours?" Bernie asked.

Dom nodded, "I have chosen not to believe them. I'd rather hear from you how you both are."

Bernie smiled, trying to work out what and how much to say. Dom could see she was struggling, "We can go to the roof if it makes it easier." He said lightly.

Bernie picked up his notes as a diversion and tapped them, "Bed rest Mr Copeland." She put the notes down, "Serena and I are fine. All things told." She said sadly.

"But?" Dom knew there was a but, he could tell. Rumours were circulating that Ms Campbell had been suspended for hitting Jasmine and, or Jac Naylor.

"Um, Serena is still struggling with grief and things got a bit much."

Dom nodded. He had 2 weeks of work when his dog died. Serena had lost her daughter and returned to work really quickly. No wonder she was sruggling.

"She's going on a sabbatical. Hanssen organised it."

Dom smiled, Hanssen was a good man. After the support he had received he was not surprised that Mr Hanssen had helped out Serena too. "Where?"  
"Prague." Bernie said a little sadly.

"Abroad!" Dom said in surprise, "How long for?"

"6 months."

"Wow, how are you feeling about it?" Dom knew that Bernie did not really talk to a lot of people personally but he considered that he might be one of the only people other than Ms Campbell.

"Mixed." She shrugged in honesty, "On the one hand I'm going to miss her terribly; but I honestly think she needs this. I think it will do her good in the long run to get away from here for a bit."

"Not tempted to go with her Major?" Dom asked half-jokingly, half serious.

"No, I need to keep things afloat here."

Dom grabbed her hand, "I don't know how you can be so strong, it's like you only just found each other and this happens."

"I can be strong because I love Serena and I have found her now, and I know she will be back. I know she will always be in my heart."

Dom was a bit jealous of what they had if he was honest. He wished he could find his 'Bernie'.

Dom turned to her, "When does she go?"

"Tuesday."

"What the bloody hell are you doing sitting here with me? You need to get going and spend time with Ms Campbell." He winked and gave a cheeky smile, "We have plenty of time to ruminate on the roof right."

With that Bernie stood and made to leave. "Dom, if you need anything; you know where I am OK?"

"Ditto."

With that she walked off the ward feeling a little better. She did enjoy her unlikely friendship with Dominic. She had a feeling they would be firm friends over the next 6 months.


	9. Chapter 9

Bernie got back to the house and looked at the list of things that needed doing and decided to sort out the food in the house.

She got two boxes and marked them up, one for her, one for Jason and Alan. The cupboard were soon emptied only leaving a few essentials.

The fridge and freezer were quite full and Bernie decided that she would cook for Serena and use up some of the stuff in the fridge. She could clear these out properly after Tuesday; give her something to do.

She set to work on a chicken, leek and mushroom pie; with some ham thrown in for good measure. She even made her own roux. She was happily cooking singing along to the radio. Despite the situation she was quite happy; yes Serena was leaving but the spiral of grief was broken. Coping with that Serena, however much she loved her; was exhausting.

The pie filling was left to cool as she made the pastry. She smiled as she thought that this would be a total surprise to Serena.

Bernie eyed some Apples in the fruit basket and set to making an apple pie filling. She was on a roll.

Bernie had no idea when Serena would be in so she decided to put the pastry lids on both pies and cook them now. She allowed herself a glass of white wine; it was unusual for Serena to have white wine in; as she chopped up potatoes and carrots to go with the pie. She had not heard Serena come in she felt Serena come up behind her and snake her arms around her. Serena whispered in her ear, "What a time to show me how domesticated you can be." As kissed her cheek.

"You made me bloody jump, I nearly cut my finger off." Bernie said in a mocking tone as she turned around.

"Now you know how it feels when you sneak up on me Major." They both laughed. "So what's all this then? Not your attempt to try and get me to stay?" She said in a jovial manner.

"Would it work?" Bernie enquired with a hint of seriousness despite the smile.

There was a little silence as they both let the answer linger in the air.

Serena broke it with a chaste kiss and said honestly, "Don't ask me that. Let's just say I can add it to the list of reasons to come back, eh?"

Bernie rested her head on Serena's shoulder, "OK. OK, that's all I ask; that you come back."

The alarm on the oven sounding broke the silence as Bernie leapt into action.

"Shit, the pies!"

"Pies?" Serena queried.

"Yeah I made a chicken pie and an apple pie."

"Wow." Serena gave a mock faint into Bernie's arms.

"Oi." Bernie gave a mock slap.

"Sorry darling, I do appreciate it." She looked over to the two boxes with food in, the box for Jason and Alan was much fuller than the one for Bernie. Serena started to move some of the items from Jason's box to Bernie's.

"What are you doin'?" Bernie asked as she but the pies on the counter to cool.

"I am ensuring you eat well while I am away; and everything in the fridge and freezer is yours, OK?"

Bernie nodded in defeat rolling her eyes. "When do you want to eat? Just give me 20 minutes notice so I can put the veg on."

"Not yet, I have some things to sort first. I have some shopping in the car." As Serena picked up her keys and went out to the car Bernie removed her apron and automatically followed out.

As Serena opened the boot Bernie saw the extent of her shopping spree, mainly made up of Marks and Spencer bags, "Bloody hell woman. What have you been buying?" Bernie laughed as she picked up some of the larger bags.

"A few essentials." Serena said with a mock guilty look.

"Essentials? You are going to Prague, not a war torn country. They do have M&S and Tesco." Bernie said with a smile as she dumped the bags on the kitchen table.

"They do?"

"Yes, and randomly enough C&A."

Serena laughed as she had not seen a C&A in many years, "Someone's been doing their homework haven't they?"

Bernie nodded as she made a second trip to the car. When she got back with more bags Serena held up the package that Hanssen had given to Bernie to pass on to Serena. "Oh, parting gift from Hanssen." Bernie commented as she reached for her wine glass, "You want one?" Bernie waved the glass.

"Red please." Serena said as she opened the letter that Hanssen had attached to the gift. She sat as she read the letter. She accepted the glass from Bernie and carried on reading. Bernie was not going to ask what Hanssen had written. She could see from Serena's face that the letter was very personal and heartfelt. She saw a tear run down Serena's cheek.

She opened the package, it was a Czech/English medical dictionary. She laughed and held it up to Bernie. "Typical Henrik."

She folded the letter and put it in the book. If she was in any doubt before, she was in no doubt now; she really could class Henrik as a friend. She felt bad not showing the letter to Bernie but parts of the letter Henrik had written had made reference to Bernie, the Kiev disaster, their relationship and how he saw how good Bernie was for Serena and that she must not lose sight of that.

"Darling I might just go and take this stuff upstairs, if you want to switch the veg on just give me a shout; I suppose I should start packing in Ernest."

Bernie smiled as she put the hob on and started to wash up; she laughed at the role reversal currently in play. She laughed more when she admitted to herself that she didn't mind it.

As she was drying the dishes she heard a thud from upstairs and took off up to the origin of the noise. Serena was lying on her back with a suitcase on top of her, the attic entrance open and the ladders pulled down.

"Oh fuck, Serena are you OK?"

"Um, I think so?"

"Did you fall? Why didn't you shout me to help?" Bernie asked in a gentle tone.

Serena started to cry. Bernie sat down on the landing carpet and lifted the suitcase. "Serena are you hurt?" She asked as doctor mode kicked in and she checked Serena for injury.

Serena sat up, "Only my pride." Bernie pulled her in for a hug unsure as to what to say.

After a moment's silence Bernie spoke, "I would have come to help you Serena, had you asked."  
"I need to learn to be self-sufficient again. I can't rely on you all of the time. I won't have you over there will I." Serena's tears flowing more freely.

"All the more reason to let me help you now. You gonna have plenty of time to be 'self-sufficient'."

Bernie wiped tears from Serena's face, "Anyway I might be a plane ride away physically but I am going to be there for you in every other respect right?"

Serena nodded.

Bernie stood, "Is there anything else you need from the loft?" She asked as she held out her hand for Serena to grab to pull her up. Serena shook her head.

Bernie pushed the ladders up and closed the hatch, "Now are you Ok if I finish cooking dinner or do you need to be self-sufficient."

Serena smiled and kissed Bernie, "Stop being a smart arse and get dinner on the table Major."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N So firstly apologies for the chapter mix up yesterday I posted the same chapter twice (lets blame drinking Kronenburg in the sunshine eh). All fixed now and back on track.

Also changed the rating on this story as not to disregard the rules. please enjoy.

Bernie could cook. Serena couldn't deny it. They were lying on the sofa; full stomachs, wine flowing and in relax mode. Serena could not remember a time she had felt more content since Christmas. If she could stop time and bottle it she would have.

Bernie was stroking Serena's arm as she spoke. "So I know we have the list but is there anything else you want to add?"

"Now?"

"Well yeah, cos if we can make it happen… I need to know soon." Bernie made her words serious to add emphasis to the fact they both knew Serna was leaving soon.

Serena moved into Bernie more, "I know darling; and if I think of something I will say." She paused, "But it's hard."

Bernie gave and understanding smile back.

"Can we go up?" Serena asked.

Bernie nodded as Serena got up and led the way to the bedroom.

Much in the way a long married couple would act Serena and Bernie got ready for bed; folding their clothes, changing into nightwear and brushing their teeth. Neither wanted to rock the emotional boat, as it were.

Bernie couldn't sleep. Serena had made it clear she wanted Bernie to stay with her before she left. _A feast before the famine._ Bernie lay there trying to eradicate the thoughts swimming in her mind. She had tried to push them to the back of her mind but they kept resurfacing. She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers to shake the pressure headache building. She hadn't noticed Serena wake up, "Are you OK Bernie?"

"Yeah fine." To her shame Bernie had answered a little sharply, "I'm sorry, I'm fine; it's nothing."

Serena grabbed Bernie's hand to uncover her face, "That's not what your face says." She placed Bernie's hand on the small of her back hoping that Bernie would pull her in and confide in her.

Bernie did pull her in and let out a sigh, "It's nothing, me being stupid; selfish." Serena looked at Bernie, the most unselfish person she knew.

"It's only stupid if you don't tell me Bernie; and as for selfish; no." She kissed Bernie lovingly. "Please talk to me. You have me worried now."

Bernie knew she had to lay her cards on the table now. The last thing she wanted was to add to Serena's worries.

"OK," Bernie said as she let out a shaky breath, "I suppose I just need to, um; God, yeah OK," She took a breath so she was able to form a coherent sentence, "I'm putting all my eggs in one basket here. I just want to check I am not going to regret it." She rushed it out but it was a sentence at least.

Serena listened but looked confused, what exactly was Bernie trying to say. Bernie could see that she needed to clarify, "I love you, very much; and I understand you have to go, I do." She made sure to maintain eye contact, "But I'm scared; scared you might not come back, scared you won't want to come back to me. That's selfish and I am sorry. Things between us have just started to improve a little and, oh I don't know." She threw up her spare hand in frustration.

Serena took in the words, processing what Bernie had said. _Did she really think that I would not want to come back to her?_

"Can I ask why you would think I don't want to come back to you?" Serena reasoned that Bernie did not worry unnecessarily and so something must have triggered this.

"It's stupid, I'm sorry."  
"No. Tell me, help me to reassure you, please." Serena all but pleaded.

"OK, last time we were at work together; you said work was the only thing you had and you accused me of 'Fishing for affection'." Bernie paused, "In the toilets I said I loved you twice, your response; me loving you would not make you feel better."

Serena took in what Bernie had said, she had recalled the words almost verbatim; obviously it had stuck with her and Serena's words hurt Bernie. She could not stop the tears from falling.

"Oh darling, I'm sorry. What can I say to convince you that I do love you; you are important to me. I don't know where I would be without you. I know I need to go away, I need space from this place; but I'm going with a heavy heart. I really am."

Bernie wiped her tears, "I'm sorry for upsetting you Serena, I know it's stupid; but when you love someone as much as I love you it's as scary as hell."

Serena nodded in agreement, "I know, I know." She leaned to kiss Bernie. The kiss became more passionate as Serena opened her mouth to let Bernie in. The love and passion she felt ignited fully as she bought her hands up to Bernie's hair.

Serena wanted to show her love for Bernie, make some memories to take away with her. She grabbed for Bernie's t shirt and bought it over her head and threw it into the middle of the room. She pulled away from the kiss to run her hands down Bernie's body, her eyes intently following the path of her hands.

"What are you doing?" Bernie queried at the concentration on Serena's face.

"I'm committing you to my memory. I want to remember you, to remember how this feels."

"On your list of things to do Campbell?" Bernie smirked.

"Yeah, it might be on there a couple of times, near to the top." Serena smiled as she played with the waistband of Bernie's Pyjamas. She pulled Bernie into a kiss. "Is it Ok if I cross you off the list now?"

"Depends how many times I am on that list of yours?" Bernie whispered into Serena's ear.


	11. Chapter 11

Saturday and Sunday passed in a blur. What with Bernie working and Serena having so much to do; including spending time with Jason. It was Sunday night and Serena had all but packed. Her suitcases and everything for the trip in, what was, Ellie's room.

Bernie had come in from work and she found Serena outside, smoking.

"Serena?" Bernie ventured out to where Serena was, she wrapped her arms around Serena's waist and took the cigarette to have a drag, "You OK?"

"Never better." Serena answered dryly.

 _It's going to be one of those nights._ Bernie thought.

"Come on Campbell, spill."

Serena pulled away from Bernie and went to the house. Bernie rolled her eyes as she finished the cigarette. She let out a sigh and followed Serena into the house.

Serena was pouring a glass of wine, Bernie noted that it was not her first. Serena reached down a glass for Bernie and poured a glass for her too. She passed it over silently. Bernie accepted and put it straight down. "If you would prefer to be on your own tonight I can go." She paused, "Just call me when you need me."

Serena walked over and rested her forehead on Bernie's chest, "Don't go," she said quietly.

Bernie took a deep breath.

They stood in silence for a few moments, Bernie reached to hold Serena's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know all of this is hard, but," She paused, "If you want my help you have to tell me what you want."

Serena leaned up. "Can we go out?"

"Out?" Bernie queried.

"Yes. I feel a bit stir crazy; and," Serena paused, and looked a little coy.

"And, what?"

"It would be nice if we could go on a date before I go." Serena admitted.

"Would that make you feel better?" Bernie asked.

Serena nodded, "I'm sorry for being," She threw up her hands, "I'm just a little emotional. I think if we went out and you took my mind off things it would help. I'm bloody sick and tired of packing."

Bernie moved from where she stood and collected their coats, she held out Serena's for her to put her arms in and then put on her own coat, "Your chariot awaits m'lady; where would you like to go?"

Serena laughed, "You will take me anywhere?"

Bernie smiled, "Mmmmm."

"Can we go to the cinema?" Serena asked.

Bernie picked up her keys, "Come on then Campbell."

Serena smiled and followed Bernie, "Food after?"

Bernie laughed, "Before, after; whichever. Suppose it depends on film times. Anyway what do you want to go and see?"

They were sitting in the cinema. Bernie sat on the end of the row with her legs stretched out feeling a bit out of place. She was not expecting Serena to want to go and see the new Fast and Furious film but she was not expecting to be dragged along to this.

Bernie looked across to Serena who looked positively excited as the trailers started, "This better be good?" Bernie said with some doubt.

"It's Beauty and the Beast, of course it will be wonderful." Her statement was met with a dubious look from Bernie.

Serena was enjoying the film and noticed from the corner of her eye that Bernie was starting to relax and seemed to be watching the film intently. Serena reached out for Bernie's hand and she took it.

All thoughts of the secondment and their parting were forgotten for a couple of hours.

At one point Serena could see that Bernie was engrossed within the film and she swore that she saw Bernie wipe a tear from her eye. Serena was obviously crying at the film and she didn't care who saw.

As they left the cinema Serena linked arms with Bernie as they walked to one of the restaurants on the retail park. "Did I see you shed a tear in there Major?"

Bernie pulled a face and shook her head, "Nah, I had something in my eye." She said not too convincingly.

They were settled in a booth in the new Mexican place to open up. Bernie let Serena choose where they went as this was her night. They laughed and ate and Serena drank quite a bit too but Bernie was pleased to see her relaxed and happy… even if it was short lived, it was nice and it would be a nice memory to hold on to when Serena went away.

"So, are you going to come and visit me then?" Serena asked as she swilled the wine around in her glass.

"Try and stop me." Bernie replied simply.

Serena smiled, "Do you think Jason will come out?"

Bernie looked at her, she really did not know. Jason liked routine. Jason liked what he knew. She was not sure how he felt about holidays and changing his routine. "I think he knows that myself or Alan would travel with him if he wanted to see you; but, you know…." Bernie left the sentence hanging knowing that Serena knew.

Serena nodded, "Not even sure if he has a passport." She laughed and sipped her wine.

Serena's phone went off, she looked at it and smiled. "Message from Sasha; wants to know if I am doing leaving drinks."

"Ha, um. Do you want to?"

Serena shook her head; "I think its best I slope off and fix myself up a bit. Doubt many people are going to miss that Serena much."

Bernie tipped her head, as if to say 'really, come on'. "Not as far as I have seen. Quite the opposite. A lot of people care about you and are going to miss you."

"Even when I was a bit of a bitch."

Bernie nodded, "Well however you see it people understand you are grieving."

"Jac Naylor?"

Bernie threw a confused look, "Jac Naylor does not like anyone, so I would not worry about her." They both laughed as Serena reflected and thought about Jasmine.

"How is Jasmine?"

"She's fine; she is going to miss you. She asked me to pass on her regards." Serena smiled, that really was more than she deserved she thought. "Another drink or shall I get the bill?" Bernie asked.

"Bill. We have wine at home sweetheart."

"You going to be alright; at home." She paused, "You seemed a bit down earlier."

Bernie caught the attention of the waiter as Serena looked at her, "I'm sorry, I just; I was a bit stressed after packing. I will be fine if I can relax with you."

Bernie passed her card over to pay the bill and then reached out for Serena's hand; "I'm there if you want me."

"I definitely want you." Serena said with a wink as she drained her glass. They got up from the booth keen to get to the car and get home.


	12. Chapter 12

Once home and wine poured they sat relaxing on the sofa.

"So what do you want to do tomorrow?" Bernie asked as she played with Serena's fingers lazily.

"I don't know; probably best not to make any definite plans I have a deep feeling that I have forgotten to do 101 and one things and will remember at the last minute." Serena started to say with a little panic to her tone.

Bernie turned to her slightly, "Calm down, that's why we did the list. Plus if there is anything you forget to do or forget to take, we can sort it. Not the end of the world."

"How can you be so calm, relaxed?" Serena queried.

Bernie shrugged, "No point in being otherwise."

Serena sighed. She could not tell if this was Bernie being actually calm or all a front. To be quite honest she was an emotional state and Bernie knew that and once again she was being strong. But who was there for Bernie, who would be there for Bernie once she had buggered off. The Major was being a bit of an emotional brick, which made it really difficult for Serena to gauge.

Serena grabbed both of Bernie's hands and looked her in the eye as she asked her next question. "Are you alright?" She said simply.

Bernie gave one firm not, "I'm OK." She said with a squeeze of Serena's hands.

There was a silence. Serena knew Bernie would say that regardless, that had been her default answer now for some time and it was getting tired. When it came to other matters Bernie was quite upfront but since their rooftop chat at work Bernie had kept very reserved and on the level and although Serena appreciated Bernie's strength it upset her a little that while she was an open book about this; Bernie was not.

"OK. OK?" Serena said with a tone, "I appreciate you being the strong one, but hearing 'OK' all the time," She paused, "It's beginning to piss me off. I know you don't want to upset me, but can you just be honest with me for five minutes."

Bernie looked down. She was being strong because she thought that's what Serena wanted; needed. Now she was being called up on it.

Bernie pulled Serena into her. She let out a huge sigh. "I'm sorry." She let out another breath, "I am OK I promise."

"You are OK, with all of this? Shit? Me going away?"

Bernie rubbed her eyes with her thumb and her forefinger, "Well obviously I would prefer you stay. I'd prefer all this went away. But it isn't going to." She grabbed Serena's hand again, "I have to accept the things I can't change," She took another breath, "This has happened and you, us and we can't continue on how things were going." Another pause, "So I am accepting that you need this. All for the greater good."

It hurt Bernie to say it but it was true, short term pain for long term gain.

"But how are you actually feeling?" Serena asked after a few moments.

Bernie's face creased, showing emotion she had never shown before; she dipped her head, "I am going to miss you more than I can say. It took me so long to find you and;" She left the sentence hanging knowing Serena would understand. "I want to be there for you. Protect you, support you and love you; I know how hard that is remotely." She shrugged, "You know I don't really want you to go, but I know you have to; so why dwell on it." She said matter of factly.

After a moment of silence she went to stand and walk off but before she could go Serena grabbed her wrist, "No, I'm not going let you say that and then run off." Bernie sat back down.

"I know it's hard, I know you don't want me to go. I know you are not going to be physically there when I need you; but you are here." She places her hand over her heart, "Always." She grabbed Bernie's hand, "And I will come back. To you, and Jason."

Bernie rested her head against Serena's hand still placed on her chest, "I'm sorry. That's why I did not say anything. I did not want to add to everything else you have going on."

Serena tipped her head, like Bernie so often did, and gave her 'the look', which made Bernie look up, "Seriously I was more concerned I had an emotionally devoid girlfriend. I know this sounds selfish, so I apologise; but I know I have something, someone to come back for who is actually going to fucking miss me… and not because they have to or feel obliged to. Someone who is going to want me to come back because'" She threw up her hands. "It's good to know I have not completely alienated the person who means the most to me."

"Serena'" Bernie started to say.

"No," Serena cut in, "In all of this I'm glad to have you; I don't know how I would have coped without you. You have put up with me, even when I was at my most horrid." Bernie shook her head. "It's true, I have been horrible, but this isn't me. I don't want to be this." She sighed. "I just need time and space."  
Bernie lifted her head to look at Serena gave a sad grin, "I get it, time and space." She leaned in for a kiss, "Time and space, I can do."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Firstly so sorry for not publishing for a while. Young Jenko has been on a bit of an emotional journey of her own and has not found time for fan fiction last couple of weeks. But I have missed this and the joy that comes from writing. Hope you enjoy this next instalment enough to forgive me for the radio silence for a month.

Enjoy

They were lying in bed just appreciating each other, knowing that time really was not on their side any more. Serena was twirling a stray strand of Bernie's hair.

"This is what I will miss." Serena said absently.

"Hum, this?" Bernie queried.

"This. Just us. In our bubble. With you I feel safe and happy, but unfortunately reality has to rear its head at some point. We cannot live like this can we?"

Bernie gave an upwards nod with a sad smile, she knew what Serena meant. She leant and caught Serena with a tender deep kiss, "Unfortunately not." She pulled Serena closer, "If I could make it happen I would my darling."

Serena sighed and reciprocated the kiss. As they pulled away to catch their breath Bernie stroked Serena's cheek, "I would do anything for you. I love you more than I can say."

Serena pulled away a little, "Come with me." She said simply but with conviction.

Bernie let out a laugh, more in shock than anything, "What? Serena, you can't be serious!"

"I am, come with me." Serena grabbed Bernie's hand, "It's not you I need to get away from, it is Holby, the hospital, the memories; the pain."

"I can't." Bernie said shaking her head.

"You can. We both know we do not want to be parted. I feel safe and happy with you."

Bernie sat up. Serena sounded serious. She needed to deal with this madness, why the fuck was she raising this now; it was not even a realistic prospect; but how was Bernie going to let her down without ruining things and upsetting Serena right before she goes.

Bernie rubbed her face with both of her hands. "I know you do Serena, and I would love nothing more than to protect you but we both know I can't come."

Serena matched Bernie's position sitting up, she could not believe what she was hearing; the woman who was famed for packing a rucksack, putting on her running shoes and leaving a trail of devastation behind was digging her heels in, "So all of a sudden you change form, is that it? No longer the woman that runs eh?" Her voice was calm but raising a little.

"Serena," Bernie said in a small defeated tone. She sniffed, she knew she had to say this without crying, "I said I will do anything for you and I will, which is why I need to stay here; for us. Old me would have gladly ran anywhere with you, but," She took an enormous sigh and maintained eye contact with Serena as she grabbed both of her hands, "You need time and space, you said it before. I need to stay here for Jason, for the AAU, for my kids; for you. You need something, someone to come home to."

Serena was sobbing silent tears knowing that Bernie was absolutely right, if they both buggered off the wake of destruction would be catastrophic; also Serena knew that Bernie was exhausted, she had taken the brunt of Serena's grief and maybe they did need the break from each other to truly appreciate what they had.

Bernie pulled Serena into her hoping against hope that she would not pull away from her in a mood. Quite the opposite, Serena sank into Bernie's chest, "Bernie, I'm sorry. My head is fucked. I don't know what I am doing, it's like I am floating above my own life." She paused, Bernie knew she had more to say so she just embraced her and stroked her hair waiting for Serena to continue. "I want to shout down to myself and give some advice, some direction; but I can't. I wish I could go back and change the past." She was crying so hard now her voice was jittering, "If I had been a better, more honest mother; Ellie would not have been cross with me, she would not have stormed off; she would have driven off." Her cries wracked her body.

Bernie was searching for things to say to make Serena feel better but everything she came up was with was frankly, not helpful at all.

Bernie took a deep breath. They both knew a series of circumstances led to Elinor's death... where to start; where to end? For Bernie at least, the most difficult thing to accept was the discovery of drugs in Elinor's system. No doubt she would have lightly passed it off as a bit of recreational drug use but fact is it was a contributing factor to the events that had unfolded. Serena was well aware too but it was most certainly a taboo subject. So Bernie left it alone knowing that raising the subject would only cause pain.

She eventually settled on saying nothing. She held Serena until, eventually, Serena drifted into an unsettled slumber. Bernie did not allow herself to contemplate sleep until Serena was settled. Well as settled as she would ever be. Bernie wiped the excess tears from Serena's face, and her own, before falling into a light sleep.

Bernie woke at 6am. Over two decades in the army meant she could survive on little sleep. Once she was awake she was awake. She looked across at Serena. She was lying on her front, in what Bernie would say was an awkward position. But she was asleep and snoring. Bernie carefully extracted herself from the bed as she wanted Serena to get as much sleep as she could. She went to her bag and pulled out a parcel wrapped in brown paper. The parcel tag simply said "Dear Serena, open me, all my love Bernie." She left it on her pillow knowing Serena would see it as soon as she woke up. She then made her way downstairs to put on a pot of coffee so she could sit out and watch the sun rise and prepare herself mentally for the day to come.

Serena woke to find the spot next to her vacant. Initially she was upset that Bernie had left her to sleep on the final day together, but then she rationalised that Bernie was probably struggling as much as she was with her impending departure. Before she could dwell on this or read more into it she spotted a package on Bernie's pillow. She sat up as she picked it up and read the tag. They had not discussed parting gifts. Serena had one for Bernie and was going to leave it for her to find once she was well and truly on that plane. She didn't know what Bernie could possibly have bought her. She couldn't wait any longer she ripped the parcel paper open to find an army jacket. It was a cargo green army issue jacket, Serena knew it well. It was well worn by Bernie and one that had been in Serena's house for a few months now. It was her go to jacket. Not one she went to work in. Not one she got seen in a lot socially. It was her nipping out for a fag jacket. The 'It's your turn to go to the chippy' coat. It was the 'I'm cold when no-one else is' garment... and Bernie was giving it to Serena.

Serena put it on taking in the aroma of Bernie. Perfume, coffee and cigarettes. She took in a lung full as she burried her hands into the pockets. She felt an envelope. It had something heavy in it. She pulled out the envelope. It was simply addressed 'Serena'.

She ripped the envelope open and tipped the contents into her hand. It was a set of Bernie's military tags. She checked the envelope and there was a letter. One A4 sheet in Bernie's scrawl. She opened out the letter to read knowing that Bernie had probably wrangled over this for some time.

She read the words 'To my dearest Serena' and tears were already running down her cheeks. 'pull yourself together Campbell' she told herself as she knew she needed to hold it together to read Bernie's letter.

"I'm sorry I can't always find the words. This is my 4th attempt at trying to find the right words. Seems I have a stutter on paper too!"

Serena laughed through the tears she was fighting to hold back. Bernie had crossed out the words first, second and third before settling on 4th. She continued to read.

"I suffer writers block as I sit here trying to put how I feel into words. So much I want to say but you know what I am like. Quite simply I love you. I love you and I'll miss you. But I will always be here. Never doubt that."

Tears ran freely as Serena gave up on fighting her emotions as she read Bernie's heartfelt letter. Taking in each word and imagining Bernie and stopping and contemplating before writing the next word. She took in each crossed out word and laughed because Bernie wrote exactly how she spoke. A bloody bumbling mess when it came to anything remotely emotional. This was no doubt the reason Bernie had stuck with this version with the crossing out and not a neatly written final draft or worse an email. Bernie was acutely aware that this letter would be read and re read many times during their time apart, so it was important for it to be from Bernie, exactly how she would write it and how Serena would want to read it.

As Serena came to the end of the letter she knew however long it had taken Bernie it had been bloody worth it. She got off the bed and wrapped the jacket around her as she went off in search of her Major.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N nothing for ages and then boom 2 chapters in quick succession. That's probably how I am going to roll now. Once I get the steam train going, we going!

So firstly still love the comments. I know some people want Bernie to go with Serena but as you know from my writing I do tend to stick to point but also I do have some interesting irons in the fire that support the distance thing. However not fully decided (ooooh I am a tease).

All I can say is now I am back on the horse, I will at least try to post more than once a month.

Side note- this chapter is definitely M rated. No question. If that is not your thing you are warned. But those of you that like my writing know my writing right!

Enjoy

Bernie was sitting outside in the crisp morning air. She missed her jacket, but she wanted Serena to have it more; so she had a hoodie on. She was sat in the deckchair on the decking. Serena did not understand why she had got the rickety old deckchair out when she had perfectly good rattan furniture. Fact was it took Bernie back to her army days. She had a deckchair on base and she had acquired it on her last tour, no one else sat in it. It was her chair, her sanctuary; she went there when she needed time to herself to sort her head out. She had always been a light sleeper and if she was up to see the sun rise or the clouds move she loved to, in a deckchair, as it afforded the perfect position to focus on the skies.

As she recollected this she realised that she had not really told Serena much about her army days. Well not the fun little recollections like the deckchair; which she had called Norris; whatever happened to Norris, he was probably still sitting there, she chuckled to herself.

She promised herself that she would indulge Serena in more tales of her past, like asking the fresh meat to get her a tin of elbow grease by any means necessary; that one had never got old and had always worked. There was one newbie who had gone around on base asking and one of the other officers had 'translated' it into the local language and off he trotted to the local shop. He certainly found out he had been had shortly after. Funniest thing was no one ever queried the need for elbow grease given that Bernie's reputation for gung-ho front line trauma medicine preceded her. They were all rather surprised to discover her humorous side. But as she always pointed out early on, if they could not learn to laugh, they would not survive long on tour.

She was watching the clouds as she saw the trail of an aeroplane in the sky. She ruminated on Serena's request yesterday; could she go with her? Was it the wrong decision to stay here and try and hold things together? Was she effectively running from Serena by keeping her feet firmly in the UK and thousands of miles from Serena? Fuck! Bernie sighed as she wished she was better at making life decisions. She suddenly felt arms wrap around her as Serena's shadow cast over her face.

"Hello you. Do you need me to leave you be darling? You look deep in thought."

Bernie smiled and shook her head pleased to see Serena wearing her jacket, she tapped her knee and Serena took the prompt to walk around and sit down. Bernie jokingly grimaced as Serena sat. Serena swatted her arm mockingly. This happened most times that Serena used Bernie as her resting place; Bernie was going to miss it. A lot.

Serena placed a kiss to Bernie's lips. She had the cuffs of the jacket over her fists as she put her hands either side of Bernie's face. "You didn't have to give me this you know? I know you will miss your favourite house coat."

Bernie smiled and tipped her head, "Looks better on you."

Serena looked at her sceptically.

"Yeah, did you find the,"

Serena, "Letter? Yes and this." She held up the army tags and gave Bernie a look as if to say this was the most perfect gift she could have given her.

Bernie sniffed , "Well call that your very own, bespoke, St Christopher. They seemed to work for me."

Bernie then took Serena by the waist as she gave her a long look.

"What are you doing woman?" Serena asked with a laugh.

"You don't want to know," Bernie said with a hint of cheek in her voice.

"Wanna bet Major, spill." Serena said as she folded her arms in a mock sulk.

Bernie lets out a loud laugh, "Well, I need some new fantasies to um, you know, um… you are away for a while you know."

"So," Serena whispers in Bernie's, "What happens in this new fantasy of yours?" She pauses, "Or is it a live action kind of thing."

Christ almighty, Bernie thought, now fully aroused. She let out a breath signalling to Serena that she was now fully turned on. "Well I am imagining." She starts, "that if I undo this jacket," She starts to undo the first two buttons. She hoped Serena was wearing very little underneath, she was hoping it would be one of her favourite sexy lingerie sets. Serena can't have packed them all. "You won't be wearing very much at all."

Serena gave her a cheeky smirk as Bernie continues on the buttons and sees the flash of the midnight blue bra with lace. She instinctively runs her hand up Serena's thigh and past the bottom of the jacket to feel the silky knickers. "Fucking hell." She exclaims as she undoes the rest of the buttons. "How did you know?" She said as she took in the reality of her latest fantasy.

"I know you, remember. I know you like me, um, like this and.." She left the sentence hanging as Bernie went in for a kiss.

Between kisses she said, "You know where this is going right?"

"Yeah, was banking on it." Just to reaffirm her intentions she rolls her hips and grinds into Bernie.

"Here?" Bernie exclaims quietly.

Serena nods quickly.

"We can't."

Serena runs her hands around Bernie's waist pulling herself in as close as she can, "Why not? It's 6.40 on a Bank Holiday, my garden is surrounded by conifers and I have this?" She pulls the blanket off the back of the deckchair and drapes it over them both. She then kisses Bernie's neck as she says in her ear, "Unless you would rather some boring bed missionary pos…"

Her sentence was interrupted by Bernie's hand pushing Serena's underwear to one side so that her fingers could access Serena's wetness. Bernie let out a long breath and leaned back in the chair slightly as her fingers slid into her lover.

Serena started to slowly ride Bernie's fingers, although it was private and it was her property she had never had sex outside. Being with Bernie had bought about a few firsts for Serena and she found them a massive turn on. As their kisses deepened Serena pulled the blanket over their heads, thinking it might mask their activities and noise levels. As she felt close to climax she rode faster and harder.

"Fucking hell." Bernie struggled out as she knew she was going to come hard. "I'm gonna burst in a min."

Serena rested her forehead against Bernie's as she pants hard her orgasm ripping through her. She took a couple of deep breaths. Without a word she got up, grabbed Bernie's hand and pulled her up from the chair and leading her to the house.

"Serena, what, um."

Serena turned so that Bernie was now above the sofa. Serena pushed her back so that she was sitting on the middle seat. Serena drops the jacket to the floor and undoes the bra. Also letting it drop. She leans in pressing her breasts into Bernie. "Sorry, but I draw the line at doing this outside." She whispers to Bernie as she puts her hands on the elastic of Bernie's bottoms and pants. Bernie lifts her arse slightly as Serena whips them to her ankles. Otherwise Bernie is completely at Serena's mercy, she can't focus, already close to another orgasm before Serena has even properly touched her.

Serena pushes Bernie's legs apart as she kneels before her and starts to kiss up her left thigh. Serena had worked out over time that Bernie's left side was a little more sensitive. Bernie moaned at this touch as Serena worked her way up. She loved the commanding Serena had led her into the house and taken control and said very little.

Bernie started to slide down the sofa a little as Serena's tongue made contact with her core. Serena broke contact and looked up, as she placed her hands on Bernie's hips, "Hold your position Major!" She said with a little sternness knowing Bernie loved it. She continued her assault upon Bernie's core taking in each sensation and feeling knowing they would get her through the cold lonely nights to come.

Surprisingly to them both, Serena was there quite a while before Bernie came. When she did it was certainly memorable for them both, not least because they were both making the memories they were going to rely on in the coming months.

Both recovering from post coital bliss Serena had her head resting on Bernie's leg as she watched the rise and fall of Bernie's chest.

"You OK?" She asked as she stroked Bernie's shin.

"Mmmmm, yes. Perfect. Now come here." Serena got up from her position and straddled Bernie as she went in for a kiss. Bernie tasted herself on Serena but however sensual that was that; was not what she wanted; needed. "Mmmmm very lovely, but I need this." She pulled at Serena's underwear as she pulled Serena's wetness to where her mouth was. Bernie pulled down her knickers slightly as she grabbed Serena's arse to lick up her juices. Her mouth met with Serena's core and she knew that Serena had obviously taken a lot of pleasure in ensuring she was satisfied.

Serena was pushing herself into Bernie encouraging her to eat her out. Just then the phone rang. Bernie paused momentarily, more in shock, who the fuck was calling at this time.

Serena almost shouted, "Ignore it!" As she felt her orgasm. Her body literally fell on to Bernie as the home answerphone kicked in.

"Good god" Serena exclaimed, "Well that experience was certainly one for the…"

"Don't say it." Bernie laughed, "we both know it."

They sat there for a few moments more as Serena said, "Who do you think called the house and left a message. No-one calls the house, we both have mobiles."

"Well not sure about you but my phone is buried somewhere in my bag. The only person I want to speak to is here." She put her index finger to Serena's nose, "Boop."

Serena laughed, she always laughed when Bernie booped her nose, however ridiculous it was. "True."

"Who has the home number anyway?" Bernie enquired, suddenly feeling like she needed another cigarette or coffee.

"Well, people who would leave messages… hospital people and Jason."

She suddenly leapt from the sofa. Shit, maybe someone needed her, or Bernie; they had tried the mobiles and resorted to the land line.

"Calm down Serena." Bernie pulled her wrist and kissed her, "It was a few minutes ago. No harm done, after all, it would not be unusual to lie in on a day off."

"God! You're right." Serena picked up the jacket and put it on. Bernie pulled up her pants and bottoms and proceeded to the kitchen to make a coffee as Serena pressed the button on the answerphone.

The long beep of the answerphone was followed by a panicked voice. But this was not AAU business. Well it was, but not in the traditional sense. It was a very emotional; upset and angry; Evie Fletcher.

Serena looked at Bernie, this was reciprocated along with a coffee, "I think we have some plans for the day." Bernie said knowing how Evie must feel about Serena leaving.


	15. Chapter 15

They walked in the house after their day out with Fletch and the kids. Bernie could tell that Serena was exhausted and her mood was unfathomable. They had met Fletch and the kids at the central park as there was a Bank Holiday fun day on. Fletch and Bernie were run ragged around the funfair whilst Serena and Evie went for a walk and an ice cream. Serena had given Evie a book. It was medical book, one Serena had for many years. It was a little out of date given how long it was since she had been a student but the basics were there and Evie was made up.

Once they got back to the fair Serena treated everybody to lunch at Pizza Hut and the kids rained home-made cards and pictures on Serena. Bernie could see that Serena had to fight not to get upset. She really was a trooper. But the flipside was that now Serena was now crashing, emotionally.

Bernie was in the kitchen as Serena finished a text to Fletch, "Drink?"

Serena looked up, she shook her head, "I have things to do."

"Anything I can help with?" Bernie asked as she flicked the kettle on.

"Nope." Serena said as she turned to go upstairs

"Shall I sort dinner?" Bernie asked, feeling an atmosphere and trying her best to damp it down.

"If you like." Serena said dismissively.

Bernie decided to ignore the potential argument brewing and poured herself a coffee and opened the fridge door to see what she could make from what was left in the kitchen.

Bernie had the apron on and had started chopping an onion when she head thudding from upstairs. She went into the hallway to see Serena struggling to drag one of her two big suitcases down the stairs, there was a thud and a pause after each step.

"Serena, let me help you." Bernie had to raise her voice to be heard. Serena either did not hear or chose to ignore her. "Serena."

Serena shot a look to Bernie, as if to say, 'I heard you the first bloody time,' "I'm fine." She said as she struggled on. Bernie went to go up the stairs. Serena stopped and looked up, "Bernie, I said I'm fine. I can cope. I'm going to have to when I'm away so leave me be." Bernie descended the stairs and held her hands up in surrender.

"Okay, Okay, I get it." She stood to the side as Serena passed with the suitcase and then walked back past Bernie without a by or leave to go back upstairs for the other case. Bernie thought she would give one last try, she started to follow Serena up the stairs. "Serena," she said softly almost hesitantly.

Serena turned on Bernie and shot her a look, "Look, I said I can cope. Bloody hell Bernie. I managed just fine before you came along and I will moving forward. So just stop."

Bernie was stopped in her tracks, she stepped back, removed the apron, grabbed her coat off the hanger and pushed her shoes on as Serena just watched. "And where the fuck are you going?" Serena spat out.

"Well, you don't need my help, or me; so I am going out." She spoke calmly by as she went through the door she made a point of slamming it shut. Serena looked on and picked up the nearest thing to hand; the cordless phone; and threw it at the door, roughly where Bernie had been standing.

Serena heard Bernie's car as it reversed off the drive, she went to the kitchen to pick up her mobile. She tried calling Bernie but was greeted with the answerphone. Not sure what to say she hung up and went in search of wine. Since she knew she was leaving they had allowed the wine supplies to deplete. The only booze in the house was Bernie's scotch. So she poured a generous measure and sat on the stairs wondering why the hell she had acted how she had, driving her Bernie away on their last day together.

Finally after 20 minutes of stewing she drained her glass and went upstairs to get the other suitcase. She needed at least to get that down to the living room, hardly like she could ask Bernie when, if, she came back.

After more rushing around gathering things and putting them in the living room she was sitting with a second glass of scotch folding clothes and refolding them to try and get them to fit in the cases better.

She heard the front door open but carried on with the task in hand.

Bernie opened the door and felt some resistance, once she was in she looked to see what was causing it. She picked up the bits of the cordless phone and furrowed her brow in confusion. She kicked off her shoes and put the shopping in the kitchen. The phone in hand she ventured to the living room. "What happened here darling?" She asked holding the phone up.

Serena was still folding clothes and looked up momentarily and looked back down. Still folding she answered, "I threw it at the door."

"OK." Bernie said clearly confused.

"Yep, threw it after you slammed my door." Serena said looked at Bernie.

Bernie walked to the kitchen and unceremoniously dumped it in the pedal bin, "I'll get you a new one tomorrow." She said matter of factly. She grabbed a bottle of wine out of the shopping bag and got two glasses out. Pouring a glass for each of them she went back to the living room and sat in the chair, placing Serena's glass on the coffee table. She noticed Serena had hit the whiskey in her absence. Shit.

Bernie crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair taking a sip of the wine.

Serena still not looking up spoke in a low voice, "Where did you go?"

"I went to get some provisions." Bernie said calmly holding up the glass. Serena gave a slight smile. Bernie took this as a sign of Serena being grateful. She would take what she could today. "I'm going to make chilli for dinner if that's OK." Bernie ventured.

Serena nodded once, "Not really hungry, but yes, that's fine."

"You need to eat Serena." Bernie said quietly.

Serena gave her a scornful look.

Bernie put her glass on the table and again held her hands up in surrender. She got up from the chair, she leaned over and kissed the top of Serena's head and picked up her glass as she went to the kitchen, "I'll make it, you can eat it, or not." She shrugged, "It'll be about an hour." She gave a sad smile.

Bernie got to work in the kitchen and suddenly heard the theme from 'The Archers' coming from the living room. Bernie rolled her eyes, she did not get it. She tolerated 'The Archers'. Bernie did not get TV in general, particularly soaps, but a soap on the radio; no. She could have shut the door or put on her music but instead she decided to give it a chance; see what it was about 'The Archers'. If Serena did not catch it when it was on she religiously went on I Player to catch up.

Once it had finished Bernie was standing washing the dishes so far, she hated leaving it until later. Serena came in to get a top up of wine. "Top up?" She asked as she filled her glass.

"Please." Bernie replied. Although there was an atmosphere Serena seemed a little less strained.

Serena leant on the worktop. "I'm sorry."

Bernie turned and looked as she dried her hands, "Sorry?" slightly feigning ignorance.

"Yes, I'm sorry. How long for the chilli?"

Bernie was a little perplexed as the apology did not seem overly sincere, nor did it seem Serena knew what she was apologising for.

"Chilli, ready soon. But we can eat whenever. I am also sorry. I didn't mean to storm out darling; but I did need to go to the shop."

Serena waved her glass, "You are forgiven. I broke my phone, but we have wine. Equilibrium."

Bernie came to stand in front of Serena who was still leaning on the worktop.

You sit down, relax for a bit, I'll lay the table and dish up. She placed a kiss to Serena's forehead and went off to sort out dinner.


	16. Chapter 16

Dinner was a quiet affair. Bernie tried to make small talk but it was not going anywhere and she eventually gave up. The chilli was lovely, Serena said as much, but it was the only thing she did say. Unfortunately Bernie had not made enough chilli to feed the elephant in the room and she kind of hoped he would fuck off pretty sharpish. In a last ditch attempt she held out her free hand for Serena; she took it. Bernie gave a little smile as she did not expect Serena to take it; however it now raised more questions that it answered.

With dinner finished Serena topped up her glass again, Bernie had barely touched her wine, she resolved to keep a clear head. She did not want an argument with Serena; not tonight. Unfortunately she feared that all this would build to some kind of eruption, she only wished she knew what the problem was. Serena drifted back to the living room and was looking at a list darting around and ticking things off. Bernie tidied the kitchen and finished the dishes. She then went to the living room sat in the arm chair leaned back and closed her eyes. She did contemplate offering to help but there is only so many knockbacks one can take in a day.

Serena looked up, "Are you just going to sit there?"

Bernie opened her eyes, "Do you want my help?"

"Not particularly." Serena said sharply.

"So what's the problem?" Bernie spoke in a quiet voice and resisted the urge to swear or kick off. She knew that her calm nature usually helped to calm Serena but she suspected that whatever she did; whether it be to answer back or to remain reasonable it would piss Serena off.

Serena gave Bernie a sharp look. Bernie stood up and put her glass on the table, "You can finish that, I'll go." She pointed upstairs so that Serena understood she was not walking out, after all Serena had many more throwable items at her disposal, she did not fancy her chances if Serena decided to do a repeat of earlier. "If you need me," Bernie tipped her head, "Give a whistle." Serena just watched as Bernie left. She heard her pour a glass of water, go upstairs and switch the shower on.

"Fuck!" Serena exclaimed as she sat amongst her worldly items. She shook her head. Why was she being such a bitch to wonderful Bernie? She thought about going up, but what the hell would she say. Plus she needed to finish this fucking packing. She picked up the coat Bernie had given her and she put it to her nose as she took in the aroma, she recalled this morning; the last time she wore the coat. She smiled to herself. That's how today should have remained, not this nightmare that she herself had caused. She put the coat on and resolved to get the packing finished so that she could go upstairs and resolve things with Bernie. She would go now but she knew it would not be a five minute job, she had a lot of work to do to fix things before she left. Now she had a new task to focus on she got cracking on finishing up her current task.

Bernie stood in the shower, stock still, just letting the water rain down. The tears shed mixed with the shower water, so much so she did not realise how hard she was crying. Today had been hard. She had tried her best, she shrugged and shook her head as she tried to fathom what she could have done differently.

After some time she left the shower dried herself and put on fresh boxers and her grey AC/DC t shirt. She knew Serena loved that T shirt on her and the boy boxers. She decided she at least had to play to her strengths and look good for the woman she loved.

She was towel drying her hair and decided she could not be arsed to blow dry it, but then remembered she needed to make the effort for Serena. She had plenty of time in the coming months to skip the hair dryer.

Serena was all but done, 2 big cases done. Carry-on bag and laptop sorted. Travelling clothes laid out on the chair. The only things left to pack were the few things still in use. All of which could go in the carry-on bag. She found the locks for the cases and proceeded to try to zip them up. The combination of having slightly over loaded cases and being a little pissed it was proving to be difficult. Frustration set in after a very short time and inevitably tears started to fall. She sat on the largest case and reached for her phone. She tapped out a message.

"Are you awake?" She stared at the phone hoping that Bernie was still awake and that she would reply. Secretly she did not hold out hope. Bernie had been pushed to her limits today, she knew Bernie would not tell her to 'F Off' but would not blame her if she saw the message and decided to ignore it.

Bernie was reading in bed. She had started to read more since being with Serena; mainly because Jason and Serena were big readers and were quite happy to sit in the living room and read. Bernie would sit with her book and Serena would lie on the sofa with her head in Bernie's lap reading some trashy novel. Bernie was going to miss that. She was going to miss everything that involved Serena but being able to relax with Serena is what she would miss the most. Bernie was currently working through a book about real life stories from the front line of The Gulf War. Serena bought Bernie books, she had a good eye as it were. Bernie's book collection had virtually tripled in the months she had been with Serena. Jason loved book shopping and so most weekends Serena and Jason would find themselves in the local independent book store and if they came home with books for themselves, they never left Bernie out. Often opting for books on the military and medicine.

She heard her phone go off, she picked it up and read the message, "Are you awake?"

"Of course, what do you need?" This was about the sixth draft of her response, many things had run through her head, possibly the meanest response was replying with a simple "no" but fact was she wanted to be there for Serena and fix things between them before she left. If that meant being the bigger person, then she could do that.

An instant reply came through, "I need you."

Bernie did not need to be asked twice. She got out of bed and straight down stairs. As she descended she decided to be nice but play it cool, not seem too keen to jump to Serena's command; although she knew she would, always.

Bernie leaned in the doorway with her arms folded. "How can I help?"

Serena was still crying, Bernie had not replied to the last message and she feared that Bernie would relish in Serena needing her and would keep her waiting a little. But that was not Bernie's style. Her point proven as Bernie's calm voice cut through her thoughts.

Serena sniffed, "Fucking cases won't shut."

Bernie approached and put her hand on Serena's shoulder as she sat down between the two cases with her legs crossed. "Let the dog see the rabbit." She said as she reached for the zip on the case Serena was sitting on. She made short work of the first case. She looked up and smiled. "Lock." Serena passed the lock and they momentarily held hands as Bernie took the lock and snapped it shut on the zip. Serena smiled back and put her hand to Bernie's face, leaned down and placed a kiss to her lips. "Thank you." She paused, "And sorry for being a bloody nightmare."

Bernie leaned back from the kiss and turned to the other case. As she started to do it up and was pressing on the case to shut it enough to zip up. "Um, Serena, I um, I'm confused."

"Confused?" Serena asked, genuinely surprised.

Bernie furrowed her brow and gave Serena a quick look before going back to concentrating on the case, "Is the reason this case won't shut is because you are packing the elephant that has been in the room since we got home?" She sighed, "I literally can't work out what I have done wrong?"

After an audible silence Serena said in a whisper, "Nothing."

"So why do I feel like I am being punished?" Bernie asked, her voice cracking slightly. "Lock."

Serena passed the lock over and went to hold Bernie's hand. Bernie made a fist as she started to cry, "I've tried so hard and I just come up against walls. When I am around you don't want me, when I leave you throw things at my head." She shrugged. "I don't want our last hours to be like this. I don't want there to be…" She could not think of a word. Her head was fried. Serena slid off the case and came to sit next to Bernie. She put her hand in Bernie's lap hoping she would take it, thankfully she did.

"I'm sorry." She gave a wistful look. "I know I've been a bloody monster. Stress I know, I can manage, fine. New stress, you get this." She waved her free hand around her body.

Bernie leaned her head on Serena's shoulder in defeat/relief. "I really did try today, but it's difficult when I don't know what you want, need, from me."

"I can't tell you love, because I've no fucking idea myself." She took a deep breath, "I think I am trying to condition myself for you not being around. Pulling up the anchor as it were."

Bernie looked at Serena, "Call me stupid, I'd have thought you would want to stay grounded as long as possible, pull the anchor up tomorrow." She gave a half smile.

"I'm stupid." She shrugged, "Why would I push you away. I need to cherish every last second with you." She pulled Bernie to her and hugged her so tightly Bernie thought she was going to break a rib; drunk people really didn't know their own strength. Bernie let a breath out and her shoulders started to wrack as she cried heavily.

"I'm sorry, sorry sorry sorry." Serena said as she wiped Bernie's tears with the pad of her thumb. She knew she had really tested Bernie today. Bernie had been very accommodating; giving up a portion of their day so that Serena could see the Fletcher brood. She had shown infinite patience, displayed many times over; but enduring 'The Archers' was probably the pinnacle of this; and how had she been rewarded… she had been treated terribly. "Can we go up? Just be close. I promise to be nice."

Bernie sat up as she smoothed down the jacket that Serena was still wearing even though the house was very warm. "Are you not hot?" Bernie enquired.

"I needed to feel you close after I'd pushed you away."

"I'm here now." Bernie said as she pulled the shoulders of the coat to remove it. She kissed Serena. A kiss which was reciprocated. "I, um, if you need your space, tell me now." She shook her head slightly and frowned, "Not sure I am strong enough to take more confusion."

Serena rested her forehead against Bernie's, "I'm not going to waste another minute of the time we have left together. But I do need something from you."  
"Name it."

"You are going to have to help me to get up off this bloody floor."

Bernie stood up and held out both hands to Serena. She took them and Bernie mock strained as she pulled Serena up to her level. Serena fell into Bernie as Bernie secured her in a hug. "Wow your heart is going like the clappers." Serena stated.

"That's the effect you have on me Frauline."


	17. Chapter 17

They stood and embraced for a while. Bernie was just happy that a version of Serena she recognised was back and the atmosphere had lifted a little. Granted it was not all sunshine and lollypops, but it was what it was; but at least it was not completely shit.

"Darling?" Serena started.

"Mmm."

"Is it OK if I go for a shower, I just feel," She shrugged, "I'd feel better if I can wash away the day a little."

Bernie smiled and nodded, shall I make coffee or something, come up in a min. Serena beamed, touched Bernie's cheek and nodded. "Thank you, you really are too good to me."

"I know." Bernie quipped, instantly knowing Serena would swat her arm for being cheeky.

"I won't be long I promise." She states as she places a quick peck to Bernie's lips and reaches to squeeze her arse.

"Oh, like that is it Campbell. Think you are back in the good books do you?" Bernie let out her trademark laugh making it aware to Serena that she was not on the naughty step at all.

"I'm working on it." Serena said as she walked off and looked behind her with a wink.

Once Serena had gone Bernie looked at the time, it was turning 930 pm. It was neither late nor early really. There was one thing for sure the day had flown and she hated to admit it but some of it seemed somewhat wasted. Not the time with Fletch and the kids, no that was not wasted time; Serena was on top form. On reflection Serena probably crashed a bit when they got home and Bernie received the fallout from that.

She shrugged as she poured the coffees. She looked at the scotch and slipped a little shot in each. If nothing else it would help her settle tonight. She picked up the mugs and ascended to the bedroom hoping Serena was still in a favourable mood and there had not been another switch in mood in the few minutes they had been apart.

She nudged the door open and heard the shower going. She put down the coffees and went to get into bed, switching on the radio for a bit of background noise. She noticed an envelope on the pillow, simply addressed 'Bernie'.

She got comfortable and opened the envelope. It was a letter with a credit card type card attached. Perplexed she unfolded it. It was a premium gym membership, paid up for six months. It was the gym she had looked into a couple of months ago but never got round to joining. She read the letter. Serena had really splashed out and she was really touched, not regarding the expense; although it was bloody expensive; but more because Serena had really thought about this. As she was reading more about the facilities Serena entered the room, wearing a towel. Bernie was slightly distracted as Serena walked over, lifted the covers and straddled Bernie.

"So, I um, I didn't know what to get so I thought outside the box a little."

Bernie gave a little cough, trying not to be too distracted by her sexy girlfriend, naked but a towel, sitting in her lap. "You, um, you certainly did."  
"Do you like?"

Bernie looked at her, "Yes, yes I do, but it is too much." Serena shook her head. "Makes my gift look a bit, shite."

Again Serena shook her head, "You know I am a sentimental fool and you judged it correctly. I cherish your gift; always will." She grabbed Bernie's face in her hands, "You Major, are different. I needed to get something to help you, so I got you that. I know Jason and I have taken up a lot of your time, time you are now going to need to fill."

"Work will keep me busy."

Serena looked at her sadly, "Yes, I know; but you need something for you. This," She points at the paperwork, "It isn't just about filling time, it's about looking after yourself; physically and um," She puts her hands to Bernie's temples. "I know exercise helps you darling. So this is me," She paused, "Helping you; how I can."

Bernie smiles and nods as a tear runs down her face, Serena catches it with her thumb, "Thank you." She nods again.

"So, how am I looking in those good books?"

Bernie put the paperwork on the bedside table, took a sip of her coffee as she mused jokingly, pulling faces as if she were contemplating Serena's fate. "Not on the first page, but certainly more than an honourable mention." She leaned forward and caught Serena in a kiss.

"Mmmm, did you make special coffees?" Serena asked.

Bernie beamed taking another mouthful. "Might have done." Serena leaned in for a more intense kiss.

"You definitely did."

Bernie winked as Serena lifted her cup to drink. "I'm sorry about today."

Bernie gave a little shake of her head, "Sorted, done, forgiven, forgotten. Let's not dwell, yes?"

They both put their empty mugs down and Serena rested her head against Bernie's, "No more dwelling. Let's not waste another minute." She leaned in passionately kissing Bernie, allowing her towel to drop around her waist. Bernie ran her hands up the outside of Serena's thighs, she was rewarded with a hum as they kissed. Bernie was firing on all cylinders knowing she had her Serena back, even if it was for a short time.


	18. Chapter 18

Bernie started to kiss down Serena's neck and slid her hand between Serena's legs to seek out her heat. She was not disappointed. Serena was always horny when she had a drink. She knew Serena was putty in her hands. The fact she had wandered out of the shower in just a towel and straddled Bernie said enough. As she ran her fingers through Serena's folds she whispered in Serena's ear, "This is what you want isn't it?"

Serena confirmed that it was by catching Bernie in a kiss as she moved herself a little so that Bernie's fingers were now inside her, "Fuck me senseless Major." She ground herself on Bernie's fingers as she moaned, "Fuck."

Pushing into Serena finding her G spot, her thumb rubbing on Serena's clit. They both knew it would not take long for Serena to come and boy did she come, hard. Bernie pulled her fingers out gently and then pushed Serena down onto the bed as she was still recovering post orgasm. Serena lost all of her senses as she lay with her arm over her face attempting to recover. Bernie was further down the bed as she lifted Serena's legs over her shoulder as she ran her tongue through Serena's wetness. This one move caused Serena's legs to shake, she knew she was going to come again as she released another gush of wetness into Bernie's mouth. "Bernie, shit."

Bernie hummed in satisfaction, Serena felt it through her body, not sure how much more she could take as she let out a guttural moan. She ran her hands through Bernie's hair, Bernie looked up slightly and saw Serena's flushed face. She placed a kiss to Serena's mound, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and came up to Serena's level. They had learned enough about each other to know when to stop. She never wanted to hurt Serena or go too far, she could read Serena's body well. She was spent. Truth be told, so was Bernie.

"Wow." Was all Serena could muster. She lay taking deep breaths. Bernie lay next to her running her fingers up and down Serena's arm. They drifted off to sleep as Serena woke several hours later to see Bernie lying on her front snoring loudly. She was going to miss her, more than she cared to admit. She thought about how kind and caring Bernie had been. Her patience and ability to take whatever Serena threw at her. Bernie had said so many times that she loved Serena. Serena tried to think about the last time she had told Bernie she loved her, but she was at a loss. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit her and she managed to get to the bathroom just in time.

Bernie woke to the sound of Serena throwing up in the toilet. She leapt out of bed, kneeled next to Serena and rubbed her back. "Serena darling are you alright?" She could see that Serena was crying. Serena just shook her head as she threw up again. "I, um, can I help?" Bernie asked as she continued to rub Serena's back. Serena shook her head and rested her head in her arm which was rested on the toilet.

"I'll just go and get you some water." Bernie got up without waiting for confirmation and was back almost instantly with a glass of water. She sat next to Serena who was now resting her back against the shower cubical.

"Better?" Bernie ventured.

"I don't know?" Serena answered honestly. "I, er, I woke up and was thinking, and.."

"So you worked yourself up a bit?"

Serena nodded as she sipped the water.

"Over what?"

Serena looked at Bernie, "Us."

"Whatever for?"

"The way I've treated you. I do love you, you know."  
"I know." Bernie said honestly. However Serena had been with her over the last few months she knew that love was the tie that bound them.

"I just don't tell you a lot, I can't remember last time I told you."

Bernie looked at Serena, trying to find the right words, "I feel loved Serena."

"Even when I'm horrid to you?"

"You are not horrid to me; now come on; if you want to talk there are more comfortable places than here." She stood and held out a hand to Serena. Serena took it as Bernie pulled her up.

"Wouldn't you rather sleep?" Serena asked.

"Are you going to sleep?" Bernie answered.

"Probably not, if I'm honest."

Bernie pulled Serena into a hug, "If you're awake, I'm awake. I want to help."  
"You really are too good to me."

"I know." Bernie guided them over to the bed and held Serena hoping that if she could get her to relax sleep might come to them both.

Bernie was trying to find something to say, anything to make Serena feel better; "So, um, do you still feel sick?"

Serena shook her head, "Anxious, um, guilty."  
"Guilty?" Bernie said with genuine surprise.

"Yes, for the way I have treated you, since; well since Ellie died."

"Well stop with that thinking. You have been grieving and trying to cope. I will be here, always; helping how I can."

"I wish I could turn back time." Serena said sadly.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." Bernie said as she kissed Serena's forehead.

"I'm going to miss you incredibly you know."

"Yes and I you, but we will be fine."

"How do you know?" Serena asked quietly.

"We got this far haven't we."

Serena nodded, "But…"

"No but's. The world is a small place. With the internet and mobile phones I will never be far away."

Serena nodded and let out a yawn. This caused Bernie to yawn. She pulled Serena as close as she could as they drifted into something resembling slumber.


	19. Chapter 19

Bernie awoke to Serena's touch. Bernie felt Serena's lips brush her own as her fingers made patterns on her hips. Bernie automatically responded to the kiss.

"Morning." She said as she smiled into the kiss.

Serena smiled and pressed her body closer to Bernie's, "Morning."

They kissed lazily for a few minutes; once they broke to catch their breath Bernie took in the woman next to her, "Feeling better?"

Serena bought her hand to Bernie's face, "Yes darling, how are you?"

In all honesty Bernie was not sure how she felt, tired for sure; but she had always been able to manage tiredness. She knew she felt something else but knew in her own head she was blocking things out. She shook the thought from her head. Now was the time to value every moment with Serena. She gave her standard answer to Serena, knowing that Serena would know it was her standard response, "I'm fine." She placed a kiss to Serena's forehead.

Serena nodded knowingly, she was not going to push. Bernie did not wear her heart on her sleeve like she did but she was learning to let down her defences a little. But today was not one of those days and it was not to be forced. Serena decided on an alternative approach.

They were lying facing each other on the bed limbs intertwined. She rolled her hips into Bernie. "I'm going to miss this the most."

"What?" Bernie asked, still in a little daze from waking up.

"Us, this. Waking up together, feeling close."

Bernie got it, she would miss it too. "Mmmmmm." She had not really had anything like this before, certainly not with Alex and as for Marcus, their whole relationship, in retrospect, had been rather perfunctory. Routine. She could probably count on one hand the number of times they had ignored the alarm and cuddled in bed or just talked.

"Bernie?" Serena had a question, but there was a certain amount of trepidation.

"Mmmmmm." Bernie opened her eyes fully and felt around for one of Serena's hands and grabbed it.

"Is it stupid that it's not particularly the sex I'm going to miss," She pauses then adds quickly, "I am going to miss that a lot by the way." Another pause, "It's the other stuff I am going to miss most, just everything else about us." She pinches the bridge of her nose to prevent tears.

"Not stupid at all," Bernie shook her head "I completely agree." She gives Serena a reassuring squeeze.

"You know," Serena starts, "You are the most considerate partner, lover I have ever had."

Bernie was a little surprised, she was not really a natural at being great in a relationship, she had been a bit crap as a wife and a coward when it came to the crunch with Alex; but somehow Serena had unlocked something in her that made it easy to at least try. Given what they had been through, if it had been anyone else they would have crumbled by now. The only thing she could do was blush.

"It's true Bernie,"

Bernie smiled, "To be fair Serena knowing what I know the bar was not set very high. Edward, Robbie." She smiled. It was quite easy to be better than them, Serena deserved the very best and more than once she had mentally pinched herself that she had landed the woman of her dreams, literally, the woman of her dreams.

Serena pushed Bernie onto her back and kissed her deeply, "They pale into insignificance darling. I discovered real love when I found you."

Bernie smiled as she reciprocated the kiss. Serena leaned up from Bernie and rested her head in the crook of Bernie's arm. Bernie knew that Serena was probably expecting some kind of declaration from her, but she never knew what to say; it always came out in a stuttered mess. Serena was well aware that Bernie was only just learning to let her walls down when it came to expressing emotion.

Bernie took a breath. "Serena." Serena looked up with expectation, "I um, well." She puffed out a breath in frustration, "I, well, you know I am not the best at this." They both knew she meant opening up and Serena was patient when Bernie was trying, because she was trying. "I know it's a cop out but, um, what I want to say to you is better said by someone else."

Serena looked perplexed as Bernie picks up her phone and swipes a few times before music fills the room. Bernie brushes Serena's cheek with the pad of her thumb as she half sings, half mimes to the song playing out.

"Sweet wonderful you, you make me happy with the things you do. Oh, can it be so, this feeling follows me wherever I go"

"I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try."

Serena knew the song, but had never really paid attention to the lyrics until right now.

"You, you making loving fun, and I don't have to tell you but you're the only one,"

Serena caught Bernie in a passionate kiss as she ignored her tears of emotion. Naturally this kiss lead further as they rolled and ground into each others bodies seeking the pleasure they both craved. With fumbling hands they both ended up naked as they kissed heavily and made love slowly. Bernie's couldn't resist any more as Serena's wetness coated her thigh, her hand was drawn to the source as she groaned at just how wet Serena was. She teased Serena's clit and got the response she wanted as Serena purred in satisfaction. Her fingers plunged inside as Serena adjusted her body clearly indicating what she wanted from Bernie. She moved slowly in and out and sped up as she moved along with Serena;s body.

Serena was close, she knew it. This woman could play her like a violin. She had one arm hooked around Bernie's neck as she rolled her body to get Bernie's fingers deep inside her. Her free hand sought Bernie's wetness. She decided she wanted them to come together.

Bernie defaulted a little as she felt Serena's fingers working around her clit, "Concentrate Major," She was sure that she said this in her head, willing herself not to come too quickly, but given the look Serena gave her, she had said it aloud.

Serena's breathing was a little laboured as she said, "Let go, lets go together." She reinforced her words by inserting 2 fingers inside and pressing Bernie's G spot as she threw her head back and came over Bernie's hand.

Fuck, Bernie was a gonner. Feeling Serena inside her and seeing her come, she was fucked. She came hard. She let out a moan as she slowly pulled herself away from Serena coming to rest on her back breathing heavily. "Fucking hell!"

They lay in silent recovery as the alarm went off, signalling the return to reality. Bernie turned her head on the pillow to look at Serena. Serena returned the look. It was a sad lingering look requiring no words.

"Suppose it's time to get up and get showered." Serena said matter of factly. "You coming?"

Bernie looked at her knowing if they shared a shower, it might conserve water but certainly not time; especially given the state they were currently in.

"Better not; leave it running for me though." Bernie said with a little regret.

"Ok, if you're sure." Serena replied, hiding her disappointment. She wasn't giving up easily though. Rather than get out of the bed on her side she climbed over Bernie, lingering in a straddling position as she placed a slow soft kiss to Bernie's lips, "You know where I am if you change your mind." She then climbed off Bernie with a quick roll of her hips and made her way to the en-suite.

Bernie lay there for exactly 5 seconds before getting up and following Serena into the shower.


	20. Chapter 20

Serena was sitting applying her make up as Bernie, who was still in her towel, was wandering around like a fucking moron trying to find clothes that went together. Serena tutted because if Bernie just folded her clothes and put them away she would not have this problem. Obviously she coped before, but Serena supposed that in the Army you had limited wardrobe options.

Finally Bernie had gathered together some clothes deciding that once she had dropped Serena off she would be spending the rest of the day in scrubs anyway. But, deep down, wanted to look good for Serena. This would be the last time they saw each other for a while so she wanted to make an effort. Not that she made it known, she made it look like she was her usual, disorganised self.

She stood with the towel wrapped around her drying her hair with a smaller towel, unaware that Serena was taking in the view. As she looked up she caught Serena looking and said smugly, "Take a picture it will last longer." And smiled widely.

Serena picked up her phone once Bernie threw her head forward to dry the back of her hair and she took a picture. Bernie snapped her head up and Serena smirked pulling a face as she looked at the picture. "Bloody cheek, you!" Bernie said in good humour. Secretly they were both glad that, so far today was light and jovial, not filled with sadness, grief, regret and longing.

Bernie was dressed and hair done, Serena was still in full makeup mode. She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Serena's cheek, "I'll go put your big cases in the car."

"Thanks darling." She beamed at Bernie. She had to pinch herself often at how lucky she was to have Bernie and that she was still around, after everything they had been through.

Her thoughts, and their conversation, were cut short by Serena's mobile going off. She waved it, "Henrik." Bernie gave a silent salute and pointed to the door and left.

"Hello Henrik."

Bernie moved the 2 big cases to the door. She had pulled a cigarette from the pack and put it between her lips, she would spark up outside while she was loading the car.

She went outside and looked at the Mazda, "No fucking way." She said to no one in particular, realising that the two of them and all of Serena's stuff would not fit in her car. She went on the hunt for Serena's keys. Back in the house she checked the usual places to no avail, the keys must be in Serena's bag but she was not going to go routing. She decided to go up and ask Serena.

Serena and Henrik were having an animated conversation, or so it seemed to Bernie, when she walked into the bedroom. The cigarette, which she had forgotten about, nearly fell from her lips as she took in the woman before her. Serena was beautiful, and that smell, Serena's perfume and washing powder. Unique to Serena. A smell Bernie would never forget. She was pulled from her thoughts as Serena looked up. Bernie mimed the steering of a car and then turning a key in the ignition as she threw her shoulders in a shrug.

"Henrik, sorry, just give me one minute."

Serena stood, walked over to Bernie and pulled the cigarette from her mouth. She placed a gentle kiss to her lips. "Downstairs, kitchen; somewhere in my handbag darling." She replaced the cigarette as Bernie beamed and turned to leave, Serena went back to her conversation with Henrik.

Bernie quickly found the keys once she had the permission to go routing in Serena's bag. It really was full of crap. She smiled in triumph as she grasped the keys. She went out to the car and lit her fag as she loaded the car. The rest of Serena's stuff could go on the back seat. She sat on the back of the car with the boot still open.

Serena came out to find Bernie staring up at the clouds sitting on her car, legs crossed at the ankles; sunglasses on. Bernie really did not know she was being watched this time. Serena's stomach lurched, not only was she chivalrous and wonderful; she was a vision of beauty. As Bernie took a final drag Serena made her jump as she said, "I hope you are not going to just chuck that fag end down the drive."

Bernie smiled as she lazily bought herself to reality and walked over to the low wall where she had an ashtray. She made a point of stubbing it out and beaming.

She walked back over to Serena who was laughing, where had Bernie acquired an ashtray, it certainly was not from her house. "So." Bernie huffed in a jokingly manner, "Are we ready to get the 'road on the show'?"

Serena was laughing hard as she drew Bernie into her. "I've just a couple of things to sort then we are good to go."

"What are we doing about breakfast?" Bernie asked.

"Bloody hell ruled by your stomach!"

Bernie smiled and nodded. "Um, how about we eat at the airport once you have checked in, and we can relax, as it were."

Serena confirmed this was a good idea by pulling Bernie further into her and pressing a kiss to her nose. "Works for me."

Bernie followed Serena into the house to potter about gathering the last of her things together.

Finally they, and all of Serena's luggage were in the car. Luckily they were slightly missing the rush hour and Bernie knew her way to the airport expertly. They drove with the radio on, mainly just for the travel reports; but the radio was the only noise. Neither Bernie nor Serena were in a talking mood. What else was there to say? Would saying anything make things better, or worse?

As Bernie hit the dual carriage way she went into fifth gear and Serena rested her hand on Bernie's. Bernie did not flinch or move away so Serena took it to be fine.

They sat like that for a while.

Bernie only pulled away when she had to take the wheel with her left hand to take the ticket from the meter at car park entrance.

They pulled into the spot on the car park and at this point neither had spoken for about 20 minutes. Bernie looked at Serena and leaned forward and caught her in a soft, passionate kiss. Still no words. Serena responded to the kiss.

Serena felt a tear run down a her cheek and she felt Bernie's breath hitch as she sniffed up. Fuck, this wasn't easy. They sat in the car for a few moments, their left cheeks resting against each other.

Bernie broke the silence. "We need to get you checked in Frauline."

Serena gave an, "Mmmmm" in agreement and caught Bernie in a quick kiss before getting out of the car.

Bernie went to get a trolley and unloaded the bags. Serena felt a bit helpless but every time she tried to help she was cut off. Bernie needed to do this.

As the luggage was all on the trolley, that Bernie insisted on pushing it. Serena linked Bernie's arm and then went into Bernie's coat pocket. She got out her fags and put one in her mouth and lit it. Bernie just looked across. She knew she was supposed to quit but it never really happened. She said "thanks", between a drag. She was now negotiating dodgy trolley with one hand as she smoked with the other hand.

"Do you want me to push?" Serena asked already knowing the answer.

"Nope." Bernie answered, "I got this." She turned and placed a quick peck to Serena's cheek. As they approached the automatic doors to the airport it all suddenly became very real and Bernie had never, even in her years of going off on tour, felt as anxious as she did right now.


End file.
